


In Memoria Aeterna Erit Iustus

by spirithorse



Series: Tales from Britannia [4]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 29,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2389781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spirithorse/pseuds/spirithorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of drabbles that ran from 9/1 to 10/6 for a month (ish) long celebration of Zero Requiem. Made up from requests taken from tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the summary, most of these were requests that I was given throughout the month of September (and a little into October). A large portion of them are Suzalulu, but there are a few that kind of vary. Cross posted here for archival purposes.
> 
> The title is taken from the Requiem mass and roughly translates to "He shall be justified in everlasting memory."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [this-isnt-a-code-geass-blog's](http://this-isnt-a-code-geass-blog.tumblr.com/) request for Suzalulu to _Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung_

  
_I've been watching your world from afar_  
 _I've been trying to be where you are_  
 _And I've been secretly falling apart_  
- _Strange and Beautiful_ , Aqualung  


Lelouch never had a moment when he forgot that he was actually dead. It was hard to forget that when it was all the world kept talking about, or when he would look down and see the bloodstain leaking through his clothes. All he needed to do was to look down to remember the truth of his situation.

It wasn't like he regretted it. Zero Requiem had been the logical conclusion to his plans. The world had needed something to hate,  _someone_ to hate to move on. And he had needed to atone for his crimes. To act for the sake of the world was one thing, but it absolved him of nothing. He was still a murderer and a carrier of geass. Both of those things needed to be accounted for.

What he had not planned for was lingering past the moment that Suzaku had stabbed him.

Lelouch had never believed in an afterlife because there had been other things to worry about than an abstract concept. Contemplating rebellion was far better than thinking about what would come after it all. And maybe he was a bit of a coward, hoping that he wouldn't have to stay around and watch everyone that he cared about in life suffer from his actions anymore. Seeing Euphy, Shirley and Rolo die was more than enough.

Even if he didn't believe in an afterlife, Lelouch supposed that it was only right that he didn't get a say in what happened to him afterward. After all, what better punishment was there for the man who had used the whole world as his pawns to be forced to have that control stripped of him and have to watch the world move on around him?

All he could do was watch Nunnally, proud and invisible on the sidelines, as she steered Britannia to a new future. Lelouch could applaud with the rest of the world and shout her name along with her adoring populace, but she would never hear him.

He could never touch her either, his hand would fall right through her shoulder. The worst part was that she had stopped looking over her shoulder. In those moments, Lelouch had almost been able to convince himself that she saw him, and he would smile.

Even his nightly vigil by her bedside had stopped, because his place wasn't there anymore. Nunnally hadn't moved on, but there was someone else who would reach for her when she woke up sobbing from a nightmare; someone who could actually touch her and hold her until she stopped crying. Lelouch tried his best not to be jealous of his sister's husband, but it was hard when the man had taken over what was once his job so completely. When he got to see the secret smile that Nunnally saved for only family and close friends.

Lelouch had only been back to Zero's room - Suzaku's room - once since his death. He had never gone back when he had seen Suzaku clutching the mask to his chest and shaking with how hard he was crying.

He had thought that he had gotten used to the idea of leaving everyone that he loved behind. He had been thinking of Nunnally, which was far easier because they had been separate. Lelouch had made sure of that just in case his resolve faltered again. He had never considered having to pull away from Suzaku, not after they had gotten closer.

Now he wished that he had considered that fact. It would have made it slightly easier on him.

In fact, it would have been easier if he had just moved on to whatever was waiting for him instead of existing in self imposed exile in the rooms that he had once lived as emperor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [Kura's](http://cocakura.com/) request: the entire becoming emperor and announcing Suzaku as his Knight of Zero scene.

"I can't believe you went back for these."

Lelouch paused in tugging the uniform jacket into some kind of order. The whole thing was horribly wrinkled from spending months shoved into some corner of the duffle that Suzaku managed to put together. For a Knight of the Round, Lelouch had expected a bit more precision and care to be taken. Then again, they had been in a hurry. His own clothes had been destroyed by the F.L.E.I.J.A, so he hadn't had to worry about much more than swiping a uniform in his size. At least he had ironed his.

He groaned when Suzaku moved again, the fabric slipping from his hands. Lelouch reached out to slap Suzaku's hands away when the knight when to adjust the uniform again. "Stop that, I was almost done."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"You never asked one."

"Lelouch." Suzaku stepped out of his reach again. "Answer my question."

It was a far cry from the boy who was careful to avoid confrontation, but it was better than the silence that had fallen between the two of them in the months between Suzaku's betrayal and Lelouch killing his father.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off a headache that he felt coming on. There were more important things to concentrate on, like putting on a good show and answering Suzaku's nonexistent question.

"Yes, I made sure we went back for them. It's the closest to formal wear that we have. This is the Britannian royal court, Suzaku, not some backwater Area."

"I still have my Rounds uniform."

"No!" Lelouch shot a glare at him, biting his lip to keep his mouth shut. The Knight of Seven title was something that he had never given Suzaku. It was something that his father and Schneizel had given to his friend, something that Lelouch couldn't stomach. The Knight of Seven had come after him relentlessly as Zero, had been a pawn of the Britannian empire. What he was going to do was raise Suzaku above all of that.

If he was going to be emperor, Suzaku deserved to be his equal.

"No. It's no good."

"It's perfectly fine. I can still-"

"Look at us." Lelouch grabbed Suzaku's arm, spinning his friend around to look in the mirror. It was only because he had caught Suzaku off guard that he could move him, but Lelouch didn't care about that, all he cared about was their reflections. "What do you see?"

"Two schoolboys."

"Beyond the surface. What do we look like?"

"Killers."

"Suzaku."

"How should I know, Lelouch?" Suzaku jerked out of his grip, backing away. "You haven't shared this part of the plan with me."

"We're the same, visually." Lelouch nodded at the mirror. "I doubt any of the court would recognize the uniforms from Ashford Academy, so that won't matter. What does matter is the fact that I will be on the throne, wearing this. The only one that looks like me is my knight."

Suzaku frowned. "I still don't see why-"

"You won't because you aren't theirs anymore. You aren't my father's dog, you aren't my brother's pawn. You're  _mine._ "

"And that makes it any better?"

"You're above all that now." Lelouch turned around, walking over to straighten Suzaku's collar. The fact that Suzaku didn't try to jerk away from him meant that he had managed to win a small victory. Even if Suzaku's wasn't convinced, he was listening.

Lelouch smiled to himself, tugging the fabric into place. "You're the personal knight of the emperor and one that will be positioned above the Knight of One. You're better than all of them."

Suzaku's gaze flicked from his lips and back quickly. "Lelouch..."

Lelouch pulled him forward, breathing over Suzaku's lips before he remembered himself. He had already called for the announcement to be made, and they had wasted time trying to get Suzaku looking acceptable. 

He shut his eyes, silently agreeing with the disappointed moan that Suzaku gave. There was a time and a place for kissing Suzaku and, unfortunately, both were later.

Lelouch sighed and opened his eyes, ignoring the partial pout that Suzaku had started. Instead, he tugged on the collar of Suzaku's jacket before stepping away.

Suzaku stared at him for a moment before laughing. "Really?"

Lelouch shrugged. "It will be impressive. Just come when I call."

"Will you have time to?"

"Good point." Lelouch turned around, waving a hand at Suzaku. "I'll leave that up to you then."

"Yes, your majesty."

Lelouch pivoted on his heel at the title, wanting to see the expression on Suzaku's face. Some tiny part of him hoped that his friend was serious, and he wouldn't see that blank expression. But Suzaku was already walking away, on his way to get to his assigned station.

Lelouch sighed and looked back over his shoulder at the curtain. He would give Suzaku five more minutes to get into position and then he would go out. It was time to finish what he had started.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Lelouch playing the piano.

There were a few places that Lelouch always tucked himself away when he wanted his advisers to stew for a few hours. Suzaku knew them all.

Every one of them was close enough to the meeting room that Lelouch could slip back in, completely unruffled, when the men finally decided to give in to him. Which they always did. Suzaku would have blamed geass if Lelouch hadn't once commented on what a waste of a power that would be. Every one of them was a sycophant anyway, they just liked to balk to give the illusion that the emperor couldn't get his way immediately.

Suzaku didn't even know what the topic at hand was, he had been busy with improvements to the Lancelot Albion. All he knew was that the advisers had started to seriously consider what Lelouch had proposed, which meant that it was time to retrieve the emperor.

He pushed open the door to one of the parlors, smiling to himself when he saw a familiar figure in white. Suzaku had expected to find Lelouch in the old library, the one that was far too small for anything but the oldest books, the ones that no one ever touched. That seemed to be more to Lelouch's taste than a room filled with instruments that were hardly used.

Then again, Suzaku hadn't expected Lelouch to be playing the piano. It was never a full melody, just a few notes before Lelouch stopped and jerked his hand away again.

Suzaku slid through the door, leaning back against the wall. "You chose a better hiding place this time."

It was a testament to how little Lelouch was paying attention that he jumped. Suzaku frowned. Lelouch should pay more attention to his surroundings. There was no guarantee he would make it to his Zero Requiem, especially since so many nobles hated him already. But, if he confronted Lelouch about it, his friend would just defer his worry. Suzaku was his knight,  _he_ was supposed to be the one doing the watching.

Lelouch turned slightly, watching Suzaku out of the corner of his eye before scooting over on the piano bench. The open spot was enough of an invitation that Suzaku walked over. He flopped down beside Lelouch, choosing to look at the keys instead of the emperor.

"They're requesting your presence."

"Ah." Lelouch played the start of another melody, cutting himself off abruptly. "Have they decided to go with my idea?"

Suzaku shook his head. "No. They want to talk more."

"More debating." Lelouch huffed, sliding his fingers along the top of the keys. "Like I'm not the emperor, I'm just another member of the Senate. Useless old fools, the lot of them."

"But we need them."

"Technically we don't."

"Lelouch..."

"I didn't say I would kill them. You decided that yourself." There was a beat of silence, Suzaku watching as Lelouch's hand slid closer to him. "Do you really think that little of me?"

It was a hard question to answer. Sometimes Lelouch was himself, other times he was the emperor that Britannia expected. And then, there were the times that he was a strange combination of both. Underneath all of that there was still Zero, still the boy who would throw away the world because he had decided that it had spited him long enough.

"I don't know."

"That seems to be your answer for a lot of questions these days."

Suzaku shot a glare over at Lelouch as the emperor started another one of his melodies. "At least it's honest."

"Yes. Honesty is your policy, isn't it." Lelouch paused again, his fingers brushing over the keys too lightly to produce any sound. He tapped against the keys for a moment before shaking his head. "Let them sit a bit more. I'll come back when they come for me. My word is final on this."

"As you command, your majesty."

Suzaku stood up, sidestepping around the bench before bowing. A glance up showed that Lelouch wasn't even paying attention. He was back to picking out fragments of songs on the piano. It was as good a time as any to return to the advisers and give them the decree.

He retreated to the door, pausing with his hand on the knob as he heard Lelouch strike a discordant note. "I didn't know you knew how to play."

"I did...once. I think I've forgotten. There wasn't really time to practice."

"What about now?"

"Suzaku, don't you think there are more pressing matters than me playing the piano?"

There it was, the sharp snap of his voice that was just barely not an order. Lelouch was using it more on him lately, especially with questions that he didn't want to answer. Once Suzaku would have pushed back, and maybe he still would. What he had gotten better at was picking his battles, and this was one he wasn't going to fight.

Instead, he just nodded and slipped out of the door. Lelouch could keep himself occupied with the piano. Suzaku would just have to find something else to do until the advisers finally caved and gave Lelouch what he wanted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of my [Daemon AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/336302/chapters/543803)

Lelouch smirked as he watched the daemons of the guards scramble to cover their people, his eye catching for a moment on one of the shards from their spears. He had expected Suzaku to put on an impressive showing, but actually breaking one of the ornate spears was something that Lelouch had never expected.

[[MORE]]The more impressive thing was the way that Kasumi was standing up to the Kuvaszs and Bullmastiffs that made up most of the daemons of the guards. She was maybe half their size at best, but she looked ferocious.

He could feel Verisia trembling where she was splayed out on his shoulder, probably from a mixture of his own excitement and her need to go to Kasumi. She and Suzaku had dropped down out of the ceiling after all. Lelouch understood the urge to make sure that they were alright, but there was a time and a place for it.

Lelouch held up a hand, motioning for Suzaku to take a step back. The guards were incapacitated and humiliated. They wouldn't be trying to attack again, which would give him the time to continue. The spectacle wasn't over yet.

He gestured at Suzaku as his friend stepped back, noticing Kasumi was slower to follow. The Shikoku backed up, sitting between the throne and where Suzaku stood. Even then she was tense, ready to spring if anyone else approached the throne.

Lelouch felt Verisia climb down his shoulders to sit on the arm of the throne, closer to Kasumi. She settled herself over the arm, one paw dangling off the arm to brush against Kasumi. That at least made the Shikoku calm down. Suzaku's shoulders relaxed a little at the touch, Lelouch taking them both as good signs.

He cleared his throat, breaking the silence that had fallen over the hall. "This is Suzaku Kururugi, my knight. A knight above all others. He will be granted the position of Knight of Zero, as befitting of that status."

Lelouch thought he heard the beginnings of a shout of protest, but it was quickly silenced. He smiled to himself, reaching down to touch Verisia when he had another idea.

There was a plan to his take over, a cover that he had to establish for everything to work.

Beyond that, he wanted to do it again, for himself. At first it had been a way to show their resolve, but the feeling was addictive and Kasumi was so close.

He glanced at Suzaku out of the corner of his eye, lowering his hand to rest over Kasumi's back. For a moment, he thought he saw some hesitation in Suzaku's eyes, but that was quickly replaced with the same neutral expression he had been wearing since he had dropped out of the ceiling. Lelouch considered pulling his hand away, because plan or not it was Suzaku and he still didn't want to hurt him. There was nothing left to him but Suzaku and C.C, and he wasn't about to lose either of them.

Suzaku took action before he could change his mind, holding his arm out for Verisia. The red fox didn't hesitate before climbing up Suzaku's arm, splaying herself out over his shoulders.

Lelouch shuddered at the contact, dropping his hand to rest on top of Kasumi's head. 

The familiar spark rushed up his arm; a sudden awareness of every breath that Suzaku and Kasumi took, the beat of their hearts and a sense of contentment. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open and not give in, it was neither the time nor the place.

He dug his fingers into Kasumi's fur, smoothing them out quickly and turning the motion into a comforting scratch. It was something that he had seen Suzaku do many times to keep her calm, although Lelouch was sure that she was shaking for another reason entirely.

Lelouch stared out at the assembled court, wanting to laugh at the look of astonishment on their faces. He was sure that there were more scandalous things that they had seen, but he was sure that it had never started out with a claim that he had killed the emperor. That was another thing that they would have to get used to fast. It wasn't such a strange way to claim the throne after all, Lelouch was sure that his grandfather had used the same method.

He resettled his hand on the top of Kasumi's head, watching the crowd as he waited for the first protests to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Suzaku - Kasumi (Shikoku Dog)](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/ba/Shikoku_dog.jpg/220px-Shikoku_dog.jpg)  
> [Lelouch - Verisia (Red Fox)](http://www.alaska-in-pictures.com/data/media/1/running-red-fox_3811.jpg) [](http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/PHOTO/LARGE/american_crow_7.jpg)   
> 


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Upon my word, there’s a knight in white armor, a devil, a demon, who’s going to kill more people today than we could bury in two acres of ground. Don’t go near him if you don’t want to die. So help me god, no steel or iron can withstand his sword!_ ”  
-  _Lancelot_ from the Vulgate Cycle, trans. William W. Kibler

Lelouch watched as the prisoners were marched into the cells. He wished that they could have been back in Pendragon, it would have made his victory that much sweeter. The reigning emperor of the world returning home to Pendragon to lord over the world. It would have been fitting, and had made the people of the world hate him that much more.

Then again, it was kind of fitting that it would all end back in Japan, where it had started.

The last of the prisoners were shuffled in, members of the UFN if Lelouch recognized them correctly. He vaguely remembered them from the formation of the group, all of them from the EU. He hadn't paid much attention when he had entered the Ashford Academy gym, there hadn't been a point. They would have all been herded in here in the end.

He sighed, about to turn away and walk back to the elevator. There were other things he had to attend to, like organizing the execution that would happen soon, the one that would cover Zero Requiem. But first, he had to make sure that C.C. had made it back alright. And he had to make sure that Suzaku had managed to sneak into the building. Everything else could follow.

"-it's a damned good thing too." Lelouch froze as he caught part of a conversation, holding up a hand to stop his guards. He turned, staring at the group of EU representatives that were staring at them.

One of them caught his gaze, smirking before jerking his chin up. Someone beside him grabbed at his shoulder, but the man just laughed. "What can he do? His little attack dog is dead."

"He can still kill us."

"Not if he wants to use us and he's not stupid." The man chuckled. "And who would he send to hurt us? Sir Kururugi? There were rumors about some magical power, but I don't think he can bring people back from the dead. So why can't we talk? There's no harm in it. I can shout about how good it is to know that Sir Kururugi is dead. That damn murderer killed too many of us when Britannia was fighting to take us over. I'd  _glad_ he died."

Lelouch clenched his hand into a fist, having to reach out to stop one of the guards when she stepped away from his side.

She looked back at him in confusion. "He's disrespecting the dead, your majesty. Shouldn't I teach him a lesson?"

"No." Lelouch chuckled. "He's right. I can't do anything to them, yet. Let them shout as much as they want. They'll only be telling each other what they already know. I won't be able to hear them."

The man frowned. "Go to hell. You're damn knight is probably waiting for you there. You two can kill all the people you want down there, it won't be much different from up here."

Lelouch narrowed his eyes, waving his guards onward. "No, you can't do anything to him, but you are right. We can't have them speaking ill of the dead." He reached up to pull his contacts away. "Never speak again."

He watched the man jerk before choking on whatever he was trying to say. Lelouch nodded to himself. It wasn't the most original punishment that he had come up with, but it was fitting. The last person who had hurt Suzaku had suffered the same punishment. Maybe he could get C.C. to come down and shoot the man too, although it would be more satisfying to do it himself.

Lelouch gave the man one last look over his shoulder before allowing himself to be escorted away from the cells.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon requested: anything with Schneizel/Kanon (+ maybe Lloyd) when they were in school together?

Schneizel found himself enjoying the weekend mornings, the ones where there was a no rush to get to their classes. The ones where he could spend a few hours reading on whatever had caught his fancy. What made them even better was the fact that Kanon liked to sleep in. 

He looked down at his roommate, Kanon still tucked partially under the covers. His head rested close to Schneizel's hip, his arm flopped over Schneizel's lap. The warmth was almost enough to get him to scoot back under the covers again. Most of the others in the school wouldn't be up for a few more hours, most of them still sleeping off the parties that had gone through the night. The dining hall would open up far sooner than the students would be up, but going to get food would also involve getting out of the bed. He wasn't quite ready to do that.

Schneizel dropped one hand to rest on Kanon's head, carding his hand through Kanon's hair. No, he wouldn't leave their bed and venture through the old halls. Not until Kanon woke up, and Kanon was a notorious late sleeper on the weekends. And especially this one. They had both been up nearly all night for the past five days finishing up papers and assignments. They both deserved the break to sleep in, except that Schneizel had never learned the habit. There was too much to do to just sleep the morning away.

Kanon mumbled something in is sleep, scooting closer to Schneizel. His hand slipped from Schneizel's hip to rest on his thigh. Schneizel shifted a bit, but didn't move Kanon's hand. It was a comfortable weight there, one that he wasn't willing to push away. It felt right on a slow morning.

Schneizel turned his attention back to the book, but only part of his focus was on the words. He knew the history of the kings of Britannia backwards and forwards, but it was still nice to read when he felt the urge but wanted nothing to do with anything close to what he was studying or the novels that his peers read. His other option was going back to sleep, curled around Kanon like he had been. But that wasn't one of his habits either.

He settled for carding his hand through Kanon's hair, the motion as soothing to Kanon as it was to him.

Schneizel had drifted into an almost dozing state, barely paying attention to the words as he continued on.

A sharp knock at the door startled both him and Kanon. Schneizel dropped his book onto his lap while Kanon flailed awake. Schneizel reached over to grab Kanon's hand, keeping him from reaching for the knife that was kept in their bedside table. He patted Kanon's arm to calm him, about to shout to the door when he heard a familiar voice.

"Dining hall is open. Time to grab food before the rest of them get to it. There's work to be done today!"

Schneizel tried not to laugh as he heard Kanon groan. Kanon dropped his head to rest in Schneizel's lap. "Lloyd."

"Our early morning call."

"Lloyd!" Kanon lifted his head to shout the name.

There was a cackle from outside the door and the sound of someone running away. "Don't be late."

Kanon glared at the door, Schneizel shaking his head. Of course Lloyd would run down the hallway early in the morning. And everyone else would sleep through it like they always did.

He glanced back down at Kanon, tipping his head toward the door. "Since you're already up..."

Kanon turned his glare to him, only keeping it up for a moment before flinging back the covers. "Fine. Fine we'll go."

Schneizel sat back, allowing Kanon to clamber over his legs to fetch his clothes. He was slower to get up, enjoying the sight of Kanon not put together yet. It was a rare enough sight.

It got cut off when Kanon tossed a shirt his way. "If I'm up, you don't get to stay there."

"Of course." Schneizel tugged the shirt over his head, sliding out from under the covers as soon as he was done. "And, if you don't hurry, he'll be by again."

There was a dull thud as Kanon dropped his head against the dresser.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [shiitsuu](http://shiitsuu.tumblr.com/) requested: Lelouch + CC or Unholy Trinity with "And if he says no?" please!

C.C. stared hard at Lelouch, waiting for him to crack. He was usually the first one to, she had centuries of experience on him. But, this time, he was returning her stare with an even gaze. She suspected that he wouldn't back down on something like this, not even if she begged and that was something that she would never do. Not even for him.

She sighed and cocked her hip against the table, carefully looking away from the papers that were scattered over the table; the beginnings of Lelouch's new world. "And if he says no?"

"He won't say no."

"You sound so sure."

"I know him. I have for seven years." Lelouch laughed, the sound far more hollow than C.C. had ever heard it.

Then again, he was planning out his own death. That was bound to take something out of a person. With the rest of them, death was so final.

The thought nearly made her reel, C.C. digging her nails into her arm. Lelouch wouldn't back out of this, he would go without a regret because that was the kind of person he was. He would see it through to the end. Then he would be gone, and she would have lost a dear friend.

She was well aware that she thought of the loss of her chance at fulfilling her contract second. But she hadn't thought of Lelouch as a means to an end for a while. He had managed to worm under her skin like his mother had.

C.C. cleared her throat, easily keeping her tone of voice the same one she always had. "Two years and a summer. For one of those years, you weren't even friends."

"Seven. Distance didn't change anything." Lelouch sorted through some of the news articles that he had clipped, C.C. resisting the urge to sweep them off the table.

This was Lelouch the careful planner, which wasn't what she wanted to see. She wanted to see what  _Lelouch_ thought about this, not Lelouch hiding behind the mask of Zero. The mask didn't even need to be present, Lelouch could slip into the persona just as easily.

"Why?"

"Because he hates me."

C.C. laughed, shaking her head. She was aware that Lelouch was staring at her, probably wanting an explanation as to why she was cracking up. That just made her want to laugh more because he couldn't see it. For a boy who had vowed to change the world because it had hurt his loved ones, he was so blind to what those same people really felt.

"C.C, Suzaku is the only one who could do this. He has the skill set needed and he's loyal to his cause." Lelouch flicked his gaze up to her. "Unless you think you can do it?"

"No."

That was where she drew the line. She had killed one of her contractors once before, she was not going to do it again. She had been close to Mao and, even though it had almost been a pity killing, she was closer to Lelouch.

Lelouch nodded, leaning forward in his chair. "Then Suzaku is the only one. Besides, he hates me enough to do it."

C.C. must have made a sound or smiled in the wrong way before Lelouch looked up sharply. "You don't believe me do you?" He tapped one finger against the table. "I  _killed_  Euphy. I ruined his plans. I...I made him kill  _thousands_ of people. If that isn't enough to make him hate me, then I don't know what will. Should I yell at him more for killing Nunnally? Get him really mad? Will that work?"

"Why does he need to hate you?"

"It's not a matter of why. It's using what's already there. He wants me dead, that's been proven. Right now we're using each other as a means to an end, nothing more." Lelouch looked away briefly, C.C. catching the way his shoulders twitched. He was holding back, but she wouldn't pry. Lelouch would hold this one secret close, and it wasn't like she already knew. Lelouch might have tipped the scales in his favor, but that he hadn't come out without any regrets.

He took a deep breath, coming back to himself. "Suzaku hates me and I promised him an end. This is the end. So, he'll agree. After all, he's the only one I have left."

For the first time, C.C. took the statement as an insult. "You have me."

"But you won't kill me. I'm worth more to you alive than dead."

She kept her mouth shut. C.C. wasn't in the mood to be mocked by Lelouch, even if what he was saying was true. He just wouldn't accept her reasoning, at least at the moment. Maybe when he was over his high of putting the final touches on his plan she would tell him. It wouldn't ruin his resolve.

Instead, she just nodded. "You're right. I won't kill you. But it won't be so easy to convince Suzaku. You like to assume too much about him."

Lelouch laughed. "You say that like you know him well."

"He and I are alike." C.C. shrugged, turning before she could see Lelouch's expression. If she waited too long he would demand an explanation, and it was one that she wasn't ready to give.

She could give small parts of herself away, but never too much. There were parts of herself that she still clung to tightly, not sure if letting them go would hurt more than they would help.

But she wasn't wrong, and she knew that. She and Suzaku both desired to die, for far different reasons, but the desire was still there. They also both adored Lelouch despite what they should rationally feel. He had become the center of their lives, and they would fight to protect him. It was why she would never be able to kill Lelouch.

It was why Suzaku would never kill him either.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of [Poor Unfortunate Souls](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/83002647185/poor-unfortunate-souls-lelouch-c-c-week-day-4-wish)

C.C. shifted her elbows on the rock, watching the three figures on the beach. Knowing Lelouch, he would be there for a while. He would talk to his sister until she had to retreat to the castle with her fiancé.

With the disaster the last wedding had been, and the official wedding barge resting at the bottom of the ocean, it would take a while for the real wedding to happen. Although, she was sure that Nunnally would appreciate the news that she could probably raise the barge with Lelouch's help. The humans would have to fix it, but the two of them could handle lifting the barge.

It would be her way of apologizing what happened to Nunnally. She could give the princess legs, but they would never work again.

There were some things that magic just couldn't fix.

A splash made her turn her head, C.C. raising an eyebrow as she saw Suzaku surface beside her. She eyed the merman before jerking her head toward the shore. "You're not staying?"

Suzaku shook his head, rubbing absently at the scar that ran across his left side. "No. There's too much to do back in Pendragon. Besides," he jerked his hand back to the shore, "Nunnally has Gino and Anya to look after her. And Alice doesn't need me hovering, not when she wants to make up for what she did."

C.C. had to raise herself nearly all the way up onto the rock to see the three that Suzaku had mentioned. The two human knights had tucked themselves away almost out of sight around a bed in the rock formation that bordered the beach. Alice was further forward, hovering in the empty space between Nunnally and Rolo and the two knights.

Alice was too alert compared to the other two, constantly looking around even though there was no danger. The path back to the castle was covered by the knights and nothing in the sea had yet to beat Suzaku. Alice was just suffering from guilt, which C.C. couldn't blame her for. Betraying a friend would do that and Alice didn't get the lucky break to forget it in some moments. All she had to do was to look at Nunnally's legs and be reminded of what she did.

She lowered herself back into the water, glancing back over to Suzaku.

It wasn't much of a surprise to see that he wasn't looking at the three guarding Nunnally, or even Nunnally herself. He was focused on Lelouch.

C.C. rolled her eyes, slipping further back into the water. "You're staying for Lelouch."

Suzaku seemed surprised by her statement, but he was quick to recover. "You did the same. She offered you a way out and you stayed. You didn't have to."

There were many reasons for that, none of which C.C. wanted to share. It was a habit to keep her mysterious sea witch persona, but there was a large part of it that was none of Suzaku's business. But maybe she would let a few more things slip to him. Suzaku wasn't like Lelouch, he wouldn't try to talk to her about her past. He would just let her be.

She raised a shoulder in a shrug when the silence stretched on for too long. "If I hadn't, you wouldn't be here either."

His fingers stuttered over his scar. Suzaku blushed and looked down. "I never thanked you."

"You don't have to. It's my job. And Lelouch begged me to. He doesn't beg for just anyone." She winked at him, enjoying the look of shock and confusion on his face.

Suzaku was proving easier to tease, which was interesting. It would be fun to keep him around.

She pushed away from the rock, waving back over her shoulder at Lelouch. "I have start getting my cave back together. Those two did a lot of damage. Besides, Cheese-kun is probably a mess. He's not used to being left alone."

"But-"

"If you're going to stick around, make yourself useful. Make sure Lelouch gets back down there alive. There needs to be at least one level head in all of this mess."

She felt the ripples from his movement, but didn't turn to see his salute. She would acknowledge him later. What she needed was to check on her cuttlefish and reorganize her stores. It would give her the last few moments of solitude that she needed before the two idiots came home. 


	9. Chapter 9

  
_❝ for ye shall slay with that sword the best friend that ye have, and the man ye love most in the world, and that sword shall be your destruction. ❞_  
-  _Le Morte D’Arthur_  by Sir Thomas Malory

* * *

 

Suzaku heard the chanting in his sleep sometimes.

There were nights when he could barely sleep through the nightmares about people he had killed, people he had failed. There were nights where there were nothing but dreams of a single golden summer. And there were nights when he didn't dream at all.

But the chanting never seemed to differentiate between the three of them. It would still be there, in the distance and getting louder the moment he realized what it was.

It had come once in a nightmare, when  _he_ had been the one holding the gun to Euphy's heart instead of Lelouch. Suzaku remembered crying as Euphy had smiled at him and asked him to be her knight. He remembered pulling the trigger. And then the crowd had started chanting.

It had come far too many times in the dreams of that summer. He had turned around to talk to Lelouch, to tease him for falling so far behind. Lelouch would snap back, just as he always would and the two of them would laugh. But Suzaku could never hear what Lelouch said, not even if they were walking side by side. The chanting always drowned him out.

Even when there was nothing but the blackness of sleep, something that Suzaku rarely got, it was there. It rang in his ears when he woke up the next morning, his eyes widening when he finally realized what it was.

There was no escape from it, not when he heard it in his head or saw it reflected in the smiles of everyone who saw him escorting Empress Nunnally.

"Zero! Zero! Zero!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: suzalulu masquerade ball AU

Suzaku looked away from on of his near constant scans of the room at the sound of Lelouch’s chuckle. He shot the emperor a surprised glance. It had been a long time since he had heard that sound, certainly not since Charles had died five months ago. Then again, Suzaku was sure that Lelouch didn’t have much to laugh about anymore, especially considering that he had essentially been thrown on the throne.

Still, the sound was good to hear again.

He leaned over his friend’s shoulders, a bit annoyed by the way that the mask on his face blocked his field of vision. Still, Lelouch had insisted, and Suzaku didn’t really have the heart to refuse him much anymore. “What is it?”

"Euphy is going to dance that poor ambassador to death down there." Lelouch shook his head, gesturing subtly when Suzaku didn’t follow him immediately.

He spotted Euphemia in her medieval style dress towards the middle of the ballroom. She was laughing even as she continued to waltz with her partner, who was breathing quite heavily. If Suzaku remembered correctly, it was the ambassador from France.

Suzaku smiled, bracing himself on the throne. “Should I go down there and stop an international incident?”

"No. Euphy would have given him fair warning, and he’ll probably beg off in a moment. There will be plenty of young men after that. Leave her to her good time."

Suzaku caught the way Lelouch’s voice got quieter, wanting to reach out and squeeze his friend’s shoulder. But he couldn’t. Since Lelouch’s coronation there had been a strange boundary between them, one that Suzaku couldn’t quite figure out.

He understood why Lelouch would want him acting as simply a personal knight so soon after his rise to the throne. Charles had been killed by an assassin after all, one that had nearly managed to take out Schneizel and Nunnally as well. Still, there was no reason that Suzaku couldn’t at least touch him, not when he knew how to be careful. He had been immersed in the politics of Pendragon too long to just act without thinking. And he was sure that Lelouch needed it, but it was a matter of Lelouch being able to accept it.

Suzaku was sure that he had heard all of the arguments now, from Lelouch or from Euphemia and C.C, the two girls often acting as Lelouch's sounding boards. He was too new and didn't want to be seen as weak. He didn't want Suzaku distracted. He didn't want people to try and sway him through threatening people he loved. He didn't want Suzaku to do anything that would lead to a scandal, his presence was scandal enough to some people.

None of that changed the fact that it looked like Lelouch was fraying around the edges.

Suzaku bent closer, having to stand awkwardly to avoid the peacock feathers that ran along the top of Lelouch's mask. "And what about you? Aren't you supposed to be having a good time?"

"Later, I want at least part of the evening to go by. Besides, no one has approached to ask favors of me. That's strange for an emperor to go unmolested at a ball."

Suzaku watched as Lelouch turned his head, looking at all the other guards in the room. Of course he would pick out their exact positions to reassure himself. Five months may have passed, but the memory of his father's death was still fresh. Lelouch was probably terrified of strangers at the moment.

He sighed and held out his hand in Lelouch's line of sight, not waiting for Lelouch to try and analyze the offer. "I'll be right beside you. Relax for a moment."

Lelouch gave him a sharp glance, Suzaku sure that he was about to get refused. It was hard to tell with Lelouch now. If anything got through to him it was because Suzaku was working on gut instinct or he brought in Nunnally or C.C. to respectively ask or pester him until something was done.

He was surprised when Lelouch took his hand, standing from his throne. A few nobles who were paying attention bowed to him, not that Lelouch noticed. He was too busy scanning the dance floor.

After a moment, he nodded to Suzaku. "I'll give you the honor of first dance. Then I might pass you off to Euphemia for a while."

"Trying to save the foreign ambassadors?"

"Yes. Although Euphemia's strategy is quite cunning. Have them exhausted but entertained. They'll be more likely to listen to what I say about forming a federation of nations. Maybe I should make that her official position in my staff. She's helping me often enough as it is."

"I'll ask her about it."

"Good." Lelouch tugged on their joined hands. "Come on, let's do this before I talk myself out of it."

Suzaku smiled to himself, letting Lelouch drag him out into the crowd. "Yes, your majesty."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: suzululu to the song Antisaint by Chevelle

  
_And if you could tell,  
That the cleverest acting.  
Was the lying by you_  
- _Antisaint_ , Chevelle

* * *

 

The month leading up to Zero Requiem Lelouch made sure to keep himself organized. Sometimes, it was the only thing that kept him sane.

He had planned out his death months before, one of the many plans he had made while he, C.C. and Suzaku were making their way back to Britannia. They had all come out in a rush, some less helpful than others. Still, he had needed to just get them all out, to have something to aim for and something to fall back on. It hadn't affected him then, but only because he had never thought that the attack on Damocles would actually work.

When he had seen the sky fortress, he had hoped that he could at least damage the thing enough that it wouldn't function. Then he would have to beat a quick retreat back to his own base to regroup and try again. That plan would have led to months of harrowing Schneizel across the skies of the world. It wouldn't have been efficient, but it would have worked. Zero Requiem would have probably waited a year.

But he had won, he had produced another miracle. And now he was living on borrowed time.

At least there were enough things to be done to organize his mind, to keep him from thinking about the end. There were matters to take care of back in Britannia, the rebuilding of the capital city to start, prisoners to watch over and an act to continue to put on.

To the rest of the world, he was lashing out in anger at the death of his knight. Of course, Lelouch was careful only to aim at targets that would just help those that came after him. He was sure that no one cared, all they saw was a tyrant throwing a fit.

They could continue to see that, because it meant that he was left alone. Save for C.C. and Suzaku, no one came by after he finished with his business for the day. There was no use trying to convince a tyrant after all. It gave him the time to work on what was really important, the documents that he would leave behind.

Lelouch was sure that whoever came after him would throw away anything act that he tried to put forward, so he was limited to reaching out to those that he cared about most. He was sure that his actions as the emperor would prevent anyone from doing anything outside of his plans. Either that or the world would turn on them. 

What was more important was leaving behind letters to Milly and the student council, or what remained of them, Nunnally, Kallen and Suzaku. Lelouch hoped that they would at least get a clearer picture of his actions, but he never thought that they would actually forgive him.

There were some things that were completely unforgivable.

Just like there were some things that were best left unsaid. Things like how Euphemia had really died, or how close he had been to joining the Special Administrative Zone when he had first been offered it. Like why he had used the geass on certain people in the first place. Or why he had wanted Suzaku by his side at all times.

Things like that were better left to a letter, one that would probably be read years after his death knowing Suzaku. But the fact that it was there was the important part. Then the clawing guilt that sometimes consumed him about what he was doing could be pushed back a bit. Suzaku would have his truth as well as everything that Lelouch promised him.

The name of the massacre princess would be wiped out and the lies that Lelouch had told, woven into his very existence, would be lived out until the end.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolipop22222 requested: a normal-teenagers AU for suzalulu

They had done this all the time when they were kids. Lelouch walked through his yard to Suzaku's - sometimes with Nunnally and sometimes without - past the garden that had been Suzaku's mother's pride and joy, to the open field just beyond the pond. They had spent most of their summer nights there, watching the stars come out and the fireflies rise with them.

Apparently the habit was too ingrained in him to stop, which was why Lelouch found himself walking into the Kururugi's yard after another argument with his parents. As he expected, Suzaku was sitting out in the field, watching as the fireflies began to come out of the grass.

His best friend didn't say anything as he sat down, but Lelouch felt Suzaku's fingers settle over his.

Lelouch waited until the sun had completely set, not really sure why. It wasn't like his parents could hear him from their house, but they must have known where he was. Lelouch always ran out to the field when he was upset with them and his father and mother knew better than to come after him. Usually, they would call over to the Kururugi's and have Suzaku sent out. Apparently, that was the best way to deal with him when he was being belligerent.

When the last colors had disappeared from the sky, he sighed and flipped his hand over. "They keep asking me about it."

Suzaku nodded slowly, Lelouch glad when his friend scooted closer.

It was an old argument between him and his parents. His father insisted that he follow in his step-brother's footsteps and got to the prestigious law school two hours away in Pendragon, but Lelouch didn't want to.

Suzaku bumped his shoulder against Lelouch's. "Still wanting to know a reason?"

"Yes." Lelouch hissed the word out through clenched teeth, relaxing his jaw a moment later. "And it's not that it's a bad school. I might want to be a lawyer or I might want to go into politics. It's just that I...I don't _know,_ Suzaku and he won't accept that answer. He needs a real reason."

"That is a real reason."

"Not for him and it never will be. He doesn't care what we decide to do but we need to at least have a reason for it. And I have no clue what I'm going to do."

"That's not a bad thing."

"No." Lelouch sighed. "No, it's not. I'm with you on that."

He turned to look at Suzaku, catching the way that his friend quickly looked away. Lelouch frowned, tightening his hold on Suzaku's hand. "Suzaku?"

"I've decided to go into the military."

"No."

"I thought about it a lot and-" 

"You'll get yourself killed!"

There was a flicker of interest from Suzaku, something that made Lelouch sick. Of course he would look forward to that. This was the boy who thought that his mother had died because of him, that the cold that she had caught from him had been the thing that had killed her. Nothing Lelouch had ever said would change his mind.

He pulled his hand from Suzaku's, reaching up to grab his shoulder. "Suzaku-"

"I'll be saving people, Lelouch. That's all I want to do, promise."

Suzaku smiled at him, the smile that Lelouch never had the heart to refuse. Instead, he just slumped forward, resting his ear over Suzaku's heart so he could hear it beat. The idiot would have it stopping too soon and Lelouch wasn't ready. There wasn't a version of his future that didn't have Suzaku in it. He hadn't planned for that eventuality and it scared him.

He felt Suzaku hug him close, not bothering to protest even when his arm was trapped in an awkward position.

Now he had to make up his mind, because he had to be there to watch Suzaku's back. What kind of friend was he if he just let Suzaku go and get himself killed?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [lolipop22222](http://lolipop22222.tumblr.com/) requested: Suzaku finds out Zero's identity before the Euphemia massacre.

Math would be the death of him, he was sure. Suzaku sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

Usually, he would ask Lelouch about what to do, since Lelouch seemed to be able to grasp the concept far better than he did. Suzaku didn't want to think about what that meant, especially since Lelouch was mostly asleep in all of his classes. But Lelouch was downstairs, getting the last of their dinner out and fetching Nunnally. Suzaku had promised to be down after one last problem, but that had been when he thought he understood the question. Now he wasn't sure.

He sighed and let his hand drop back to his side. He should just go down before Lelouch shouted for him. There would be plenty of time to ask questions after dinner, although Suzaku was sure that Lelouch would have other plans. He reached up to run his fingers over a fading bruise on the side of his neck. If that was the case, then Suzaku would just have to ask Lloyd and Cecile.

Suzaku shut his textbook, getting up. His foot slid into the strap of his bag, Suzaku kicking his foot to get it off.

The strap came off, but he overbalanced. Suzaku fell back against the sofa that Lelouch had in his room, wincing as he knocked against the duffle that Lelouch had sitting there. Something dug into his back as well, Suzaku quickly sitting up before he broke something.

Suzaku turned around to look at the bag, reaching for it before yanking his hands back. It was Lelouch's, so he shouldn't be prying. Still, something could have broken and it would haunt him through dinner. It was better to get it over with.

He glanced toward the door before unzipping the bag. Suzaku frowned when he realized that the bag was empty. He had felt something solid, too solid to be the back of the couch or any of the small metal fasteners of the bag.

He swept his hand inside the back, freezing when his hands prodded at the solid object again. So it was in the bag, but it wasn't in the compartment he was in. That was strange, because it was the only compartment that the bag had. Suzaku gave the door one more look before bending over the bag, searching for something else.

The military had spent a day training him to do this, but with bombs. The Britannians had probably hoped that the Honorary members would be in the first line of fire and get taken out. Suzaku had just been glad to do something useful other than standing at attention for hours.

It took him far too long for his tastes to find the secret zipper to open up the other compartment. Lelouch would be coming to find him for dinner soon, he would have to work quickly.

He yanked the zipper open, just enough to get a glimpse of what was inside. When nothing rolled out, Suzaku reached in to pull something out, his fingers finding the hard edge of something.

Suzaku nearly dropped the mask he pulled out, the familiar spikes a shock. Of all the things he had expected to find, Zero's mask hadn't been one of them.

He quickly shoved the thing back into the bag, zipping up its compartment. Suzaku nudged the bag back into place, staring at it for a moment.

He couldn't imagine why Lelouch would have a copy of the mask, he wasn't that kind of person. Lelouch might respect what Zero was doing, even support him, but collecting stuff like that was something that was beyond him. Lelouch was more likely to have recordings of his speeches, the things Zero said instead of what he wore.

Unless the impossible was true...

Suzaku groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. He had suspected Lelouch of being Zero once before, he had the grudge and the brains for it. But he had pushed it away as being impossible, Lelouch wouldn't have risked Nunnally's safety by acting as a rebel. The Black Knights would have turned on him if they knew that their leader was a Britannian prince, hence the mask.

When Suzaku thought about it like that, it made too much sense. Lelouch still hated Britannia, he was sure of that. The rebellion was too good a chance to let slip by, and Zero's strategies required the same cunning that Lelouch had. Even the absences matched up, as did the late nights. No wonder Lelouch slept through most of his classes, he was busy leading the Black Knights.

He was too busy trying to kill him.

Suzaku gave a breathless chuckle, feeling his hands shake. He was pretty sure that Lelouch didn't realize that he piloted the Lancelot, which was the only reason he was still trying to kill him. Suzaku would just have to make sure that he didn't get killed, or Lelouch would know too much and his anger at Britannia would just grow.

"Suzaku?" He looked up as Lelouch called his name. Lelouch leaned against the door frame, looking concerned. "I called you and you didn't answer."

He gave his boyfriend a long look over. Lelouch was Zero. Now that he had all the pieces he needed he could see that. 

He should report his findings. But he couldn't, not when the thought made his throat go dry. Being a Britannian prince wouldn't save Lelouch then, and Nunnally would be beside herself. They had been ripped apart so many times, Suzaku couldn't bear to the be the cause of it again. Besides, he may disagree with Zero's methods, but there hadn't been any major harm done. There was a chance that he could use the information to keep more people from dying.

Suzaku managed a smile, feeling his legs shake as he stood up. "Sorry, I have a bit of a headache."

Lelouch was by his side in three strides, cupping his cheek. "Would you rather skip dinner?"

"No. Just," Suzaku shook his head, "no more homework after dinner."

"Easily done. There are other ways to cure a headache." Lelouch took his hand and led him from the room.

Suzaku glanced down at the hand in his, wondering what he should feel about it. But it was Lelouch, there was no glove, no mask. Like this, Lelouch was his boyfriend, not his enemy. He might have all the information that he needed, but he wasn't quite ready to make the shift in his thinking. He just needed this one evening, one more evening of ignorance before he started acted.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [stellarcircle](http://stellarcircle.tumblr.com/) requested: Suzalulu; "That could have gone better."

Lelouch was on the verge of pacing when the news got back to him. Victory in the EU, his generals told him. The UFN troops would be following up the rebels, allowing the Britannians troops that took the brunt of the attack to withdraw and regroup.

All of that was good news, news that Lelouch would eventually need to go over carefully. He would also have to go with with the Britannian representative when the UFN started working on the treaty. It wasn't necessary, but Lelouch wanted to at least see it started.

But all of that would have to wait until the news that he desperately wanted to hear came back to him.

A victory was all well and good, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. It wasn't who he wanted to hear it from.

Thankfully, the generals were familiar enough with his demands that he was distracted as they went over the major details of the battle. There would be reports later, but Lelouch always wanted to hear the news firsthand, before they had the time to spin the battle to their advantage.

Halfway through their report, the person he was waiting for stumbled into the command room. Lelouch waved the generals away, ignoring the way that some of them sputtered in surprise. He would finish with them later, Suzaku had his full attention now.

His knight was standing in the middle of the room, not putting weight on one leg. Lelouch was sure that he would have bowed, Suzaku was a stickler for the traditions of the court. Suzaku was also holding his left arm awkwardly.

Lelouch stepped away from his chair as soon as the others were out of the room, walking up to Suzaku.

He expected an apology, or for Suzaku to collapse onto him. The latter looked more likely at the moment.

Instead, Suzaku raised his one good shoulder in a shrug. "That could have gone better."

Lelouch huffed, reaching out to touch the arm that Suzaku had cradled to his chest. "That's an understatement."

"It's the truth. No," Suzaku flicked away Lelouch's fingers away from his arm, "it's nothing. The Lancelot was pushed over for a moment, landed on my arm awkwardly. I had Cecile look at it, just a strain."

"And your leg?"

"Cramp." Suzaku rocked back onto his other leg, stretching it out for Lelouch to see. "The usual, Lelouch. You know that. I've had worse."

Lelouch glared at him, but Suzaku was already limping over to his post. Lelouch sighed and followed his knight, tempted to have a chair drawn over. But Suzaku would refuse it, the idiot always would.

He settled for running a hand down Suzaku's back. Suzaku was here after all, whole and alive. That was all he could hope for. At least the war was over, so he could sleep at night without thinking about what Suzaku was doing among the troops. He could have his knight back at his side. Until the next incident he would be content with that.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by _Lover’s Eyes_ by Mumford and Sons

But do not ask the price I paid,  
I must live with my quiet rage,  
Tame the ghosts in my head,  
That run wild and wish me dead.  
- _Lover’s Eyes_ by Mumford and Sons

Lelouch had promised himself that he wouldn't visit the prisoners. He only had a month left, and he was close to breaking. He had thought he would be able to go his death with grace and decorum. But that had been before Nunnally, before he had known that she was alive. Before he had thrown her into the cells like all the others.

She was his sister, his reason for all of this. But she couldn't be that anymore. So it was hard to push forward with that.

If he wasn't creating a better world for her, who was he doing it for?

He didn't bother to look up as he heard someone moving around the room. He knew who it was. C.C. had started to spend more of her time wandering the halls. The only other one who had access to his rooms was Suzaku. Suzaku couldn't even leave the rooms, he was supposed to be dead.

The mattress sagged under the weight of another person, Lelouch looking over.

It was strange not to see Suzaku in his official uniform. They had spent most of their time working frantically to keep Lelouch's plan in motion. There hadn't been time for them to relax. Now Suzaku was in jeans and a t-shirt, a strange sight to see. It made him look like the boy he really was, instead of one of the most powerful people in the world.

"Lelouch?"

He sighed and leaned into Suzaku. Lelouch didn't bother to answer the question. It would lead to another discussion that would turn into an argument and Lelouch was tired to arguing with him. Suzaku was the only one other than C.C. that he didn't have to act around. For once, he was getting tired of the act.

"I can't wait until it's over."

Lelouch felt Suzaku flinch, but his friend didn't say anything. Suzaku just leaned further against him. The picture they must have made was almost enough to make him laugh.

The great tyrant of Britannia and his dead knight, curled around each other like the lost teenagers they were. The two responsible for all the strife, all of the deaths, were just kids.

Whoever he was creating this new world for, it certainly wasn't the two of them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: suzalulu royal wedding (in the same AU as the [masquerade ball](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au).

Lelouch had lived his life surrounded by cameras. They had been there at his birth and Lelouch assumed that they would follow him until his coffin was covered with dirt. Even then he was sure that he wouldn't be left alone. It had been three years since he had ascended the throne and the cameras were still following his father. At least now it was his monuments that the mausoleum that they focused on instead of the man.

But Suzaku was different. Suzaku had come from a strangely secluded life for the son of one of the most beloved Prime Ministers of Japan. The only time he had really come into the spotlight was during elections. Most of the time Suzaku had buried himself elsewhere. The cameras had come after Lelouch had announced that he had chosen Suzaku Kururugi to be his knight, and they had never stopped.

Lelouch remembered that Suzaku had told him once how the cameras annoyed him, probably after one of their many attempts to just get out of the palace and breathe without tripping over some new thing that needed to be dealt with. Lelouch had, somewhat foolishly, promised to keep Suzaku out of the spotlight.

He hadn't managed it so far, first with his sudden rise to the throne and now this.

Lelouch swallowed, watching Suzaku walk up to him.

He wished that he had been able to talk the people who had done the bulk of the planning into letting Suzaku marry him in his knight of honor outfit. It was far better than the thing that they had cobbled together for him. They had kept his medals - which was a relief to Lelouch, it had been hard enough for him to get Suzaku to accept him - but they had taken away his sword.

Now Suzaku looked like another prince, a  _Britannian_ prince.

That was probably the entire point, they wanted Suzaku looking as Britannian as possible to assuage any anger that had come with Lelouch's choice to marry him. According to some of the sources that Lelouch had peeked at, it was bad enough that Lelouch was effectively ending his line of succession by marrying a man, but it was worse because the man wasn't even Britannian. 

If Lelouch hadn't been away in the EU preventing yet another war from breaking out, he would have been able to stop half of the foolishness that had gone on; like Odyssues granting Suzaku the title of Duke of Fairfax. Lelouch had raved enough about that when he had returned, considering that Suzaku's dukedom was on the opposite side of the country.

If it had been up to him, Suzaku would have married him in the traditional kimono (if he would have wanted to) and under the title of Knight of Honor. Everything else was just a poor attempt to cover up the racism that still infected the noble houses of Britannia.

He would have to fix that after the honeymoon. 

At the moment, Suzaku was climbing the steps that led up to the dais. Lelouch reached out a hand for him, glad that Suzaku took it. That at least would hide how much his hands were shaking, although Lelouch didn't know how much of that was nervousness and how much of that was anger. Then again, they had been like this when he had knighted Suzaku, so maybe it was more of the former than the latter.

Lelouch gave Suzaku's outfit one more look over before shaking his head. "There's still time to elope."

He kept his voice low so the damn cameras wouldn't pick it up. At this range, only the priest could hear them, and the man had his face fixed in a smile. Lelouch was sure that he could condemn all of Britannia to hell and the priest would just follow along with the script. It was what he was paid to do after all.

His comment got Suzaku to laugh, the expression lighting up his face and making the outfit he was wearing more bearable. "And risk a scandal? Who are you and what have you done with Lelouch?"

"I'd risk anything to get you out of that. It's tacky. My  _father_ got married in something like that to Odysseus' mother."

"That out of style?"

"Horribly."

Suzaku just shrugged, glancing back out at the crowd. "I'm kind of liking it. They aren't staring at me as much as before."

"Because most of them are racist old fools who can't remember that we gave the Areas up a century ago."

"That and I outrank most of them now...I think." Suzaku tipped his head to the side. "Does knight, duke and royal consort outrank most of them? Or am I only one out of the three? No one ever explained this to me."

Lelouch would have laughed, but the priest cleared his throat, giving them both a long look before opening his book. Lelouch shifted closer to Suzaku, slipping their fingers together. "We still have time to run."

"And disappoint the people who care?" Suzaku tipped his head to the side, Lelouch having to lean back a fraction to see who Suzaku was talking about.

The first thing he saw was Lloyd in his hideous brown dress suit, but he let his eyes quickly slide over to the people who made up most of the front row. Lelouch's schoolmates were there, Rivalz, Milly, Shirley and Nina, along with the three Knights of the Round that Suzaku had befriended, Kallen, Gino and Anya. Closest to the aisle were Euphemia and Nunnally, his little sister nearly bouncing in her wheelchair. Lelouch made sure to give her a wide smile before looking back at the priest.

The man was carrying on like nothing had happened, intoning words that Lelouch supposed that he should be paying attention to. Unfortunately, the priest had such a monotone voice that he found himself zoning out. At least the cameras were there, he could watch the news broadcast to fill himself in on any parts he missed.

Lelouch was jolted out of his daze when Suzaku gently elbowed him in the side. For a moment, he was tempted to return the favor when he caught himself. Suzaku didn't have his cape to hide the motion, just a stupid sash. Instead, he tipped his head to show that he was listening, nearly bursting into laughter when he heard Suzaku repeat exactly what he had told his friend the day he was knighted.

"Smile for the cameras. You can wish what you want on them, but they'll never know if you smile."

Lelouch chuckled and rested his head on Suzaku's shoulder, leaning into his steady warmth as he waited for the priest to get on with it.

* * *

The picture of the emperor of Britannia leaning on his knight during his wedding was on the front page of the morning paper. Lelouch would have felt sorry for his public relations staff if the photographer hadn't managed to get such a great shot of the two of them. Suzaku was looking down at Lelouch and they had the same lovesick expression on their faces.

Lelouch made as many indirect apologies as he could to his staff, and contracted the photographer secretly to get a better version of the photograph. It was good to have at least one picture in their album that wasn't the two of them in stiff, formal poses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Note**_ : Suzaku's outfit for the wedding is based off of [ankimohime's groom version of Suzaku](http://ankimohime.tumblr.com/post/92945347899/request-completed-bride-fem-lelouch). Lelouch's outfit is based on [this drawing of Lelouch by エーコ](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=3340044).


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [pineappleheartpidgeon](pineappleheartpidgeon.tumblr.com) requested: Pacific Rim AU

Lelouch was in his usual spot in the mess hall, tucked into a back corner with a book open on the table. His tray had been pushed away, although there was still food on it. Suzaku shook his head and walked over, sitting down beside him.

Lelouch must have been enthralled by the book because he didn't look up. Considering that the mess hall had emptied out and Lelouch didn't seem to have noticed, he must have been there for a while.

Suzaku leaned his elbows on the table, tipping his head to try and catch the title. It was in Latin, something completely beyond him. He sighed, looking back up at Lelouch. "That good?"

He tried not to laugh when Lelouch jumped, holding up his hands in surrender when Lelouch wheeled on him. "I thought you would notice me."

Lelouch snorted. "Drift compatibility doesn't extend to extra sensitivity."

"A likely excuse."

"And what about you?" Lelouch closed his book, carefully setting it on the table. "Why did you come to pester me?"

"I..." Suzaku looked away. "I just missed you."

That got the searching look to soften into a smile, Lelouch reaching out to cup his cheek. "It hasn't been that long."

"We've been in and out of the drift about five times a day now and-"

"-it feels like something is missing." Lelouch's free hand went down to rub at his chest. "I know the feeling. The distance will help. It's not like we'll be fighting monsters forever."

Lelouch went to stand up, Suzaku reaching out to grab his sleeve before he had really thought the movement through.

As expected, Lelouch gave him an annoyed glance before shaking his arm. "I have things to do. Tohdoh wants to go over the plan to shut the breech again and-"

"Don't go!"

Lelouch huffed, sitting down on the bench. The book was tossed carelessly on the table as Lelouch leaned forward to join their hands together. "Suzaku, you can't fight them forever. We've lost so many and...I want Nunnally to be able to live life in a peaceful world. Kallen deserves peace as well."

"Lelouch I-"

"You can do it, Suzaku. I believe in you. I wouldn't drift with you otherwise."

"You only drift with me because C.C. lost it."

A look of sadness briefly crossed Lelouch's face before he nodded. "Yes. She's getting better, isn't she?"

"Yeah. She's tougher than I ever thought she was." Suzaku squeezed Lelouch's hands, marveling at how they managed to keep from getting calloused. "She's not all the way back, but she doesn't think she's nine anymore."

"And everyone else?"

"Happier."

"And you?"

Suzaku shook his head, looking up. "You know the answer to that."

"I suppose I do." Lelouch leaned forward to rest their foreheads together, Suzaku sighing and closing his eyes.

He had no idea how long they remained like that, only opening his eyes when Lelouch pulled away.

"They're calling for you."

Suzaku wanted to say no, that he didn't have any more duties for a while. Downtime was a precious thing and he never seemed to get enough of it. There was a few more minutes he could spare. He could always spare time with Lelouch.

"Suzaku, do me a favor." He smiled at the soft press of lips to his forehead. "Live."

He nodded, not trusting his voice. Lelouch seemed to understand, squeezing his hands one last time before stepping away. Suzaku kept his hold until their fingers slid completely apart. He stared at the floor until he heard nothing but silence in the old Shatterdome.

* * *

Suzaku groaned and opened his eyes, turning his head to find Nunnally sitting by his side. She didn't meet his gaze, busy playing with a fold in her skirt.

"How is he?"

"Happy." Suzaku sat up, wincing as the neutral transferal plate released his spine. He swung his legs over the edge of the chair, smiling down at Nunnally. "Like he usually is."

"Good. That's..." Her voice broke over the last word.

Suzaku hopped off of the chair, kneeling by her as she burst into tears. He hesitated for a moment before pulling her into a hug, rocking the two of them back and forth and Nunnally tried to choke out words between sobs.

"I just...I miss him so much."

Suzaku pressed his face into her hair so she wouldn't see his tears.

"I know. I miss him too."

* * *

_"Remember Suzaku, you can always find me in the drift."_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: a suzalulu knight and prince au (which takes place in the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au).)

Lelouch shook his head in disgust as he read over the headline of the newspaper. There were thousands of other things to report on in Pendragon, like the upswing the economy was taking or the measures that the Senate had finally passed. Lelouch was sure that there were equally as many things to be reported about from outside of Britannia.

But the newspapers had chosen to run ' **First Honorary Britannian to Be Raised to Knighthood** ' like the Areas still existed under Britannian control. **  
**

He folded the paper and tossed it aside, moodily poking at his eggs.

It wasn't like the reporters could call his actions a surprise. He had known Suzaku since he was ten, when his father was first elected Prime Minster. Lelouch and his mother had spent an entire summer in Japan helping work out a new Sakuradite trade treaty. He and Suzaku had gone back and forth visiting each other since then.

Lelouch couldn't even begin to fathom the reason for an entire article debating Suzaku's eligibility. Suzaku had been in the military and was decorated for his bravery and skills with his Knightmare. The article managed to acknowledge that once before turning it into a debate of if they could trust a foreigner with one of their princes. Lelouch was sure that the initial draft had used the slur Eleven before it had been changed to foreigner.

He flicked the paper off the table, making a mental note to burn it. He would have to contact Mary Cardemonde afterward, to make sure that the public relations team didn't already have a response to the article. If not, he would strike before the mindset had too long to sink in.

His father had approved of his knight and Lelouch was not budging. 

The door to the porch swung open, Lelouch turning slightly to watch as Suzaku walked in. His knight was still sweaty from his morning run and whatever exercises that Suzaku had decided to do that morning. It was kendo some days, or some kind of martial arts that Lelouch couldn't identify. There didn't seem to be a schedule, it was more based on what Suzaku was feeling.

Suzaku nodded to him, taking one of the empty chairs and slumping in it.

The familiar procedure made Lelouch smile. At least Suzaku remained unchanged by everything that was going on. Lelouch didn't know what he would have done if Suzaku had suddenly changed on him.

He pushed the bowl of fruit over to Suzaku, watching as his friend's face lit up at the clump of grapes there. Even then, Suzaku didn't eat, still cooling himself down.

Lelouch let him, spreading the jam on his toast. He was stirring the milk into his tea when Suzaku finally spoke.

"What's the plan for today?"

Lelouch sighed. Mary hadn't made her rounds, probably still working with his mother on her newest charity project. He would have to stop by and see her to refresh his memory on what he would be called upon to do. But he could remember the few things she had briefed him on before letting him go the day before.

"We have about half an hour before they send us off for an interview at one of the stations. Apparently it's a national broadcast." Lelouch saw Suzaku's flinch, but didn't comment on it. This was something that he would have to get used to. "Then there was something about photos and a check of something. I'll have to ask. All I cared about was getting a few hours in before dinner."

"Of course you would." Suzaku chuckled. "Schneizel can run the diplomatic end for a day."

"But I don't want him to."

"Alright." Suzaku grabbed a handful of grapes, raising that same hand in a kind of salute. "I'll grab a shower before we're shuffled off."

He walked back to the door to their room. Lelouch had to jerk his gaze up from where he had been staring at Suzaku's ass when his knight turned around.

"Will I have to wear the outfit again?"

"Yes. They expect it."

Suzaku groaned and disappeared into their room.

Lelouch shook his head, turning his attention to finishing his breakfast before they were dragged all over Pendragon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proposal Scene (part of the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au))

Suzaku walked back in from his morning run, pausing when he saw that Lelouch had taken over the breakfast table. There were stacks of paper scattered all over, including in his chair. Most of the space was taken up by a huge scroll that was weighted down with various bits of silverware.

He edged his way around the table, getting a glimpse of a complicated family tree. The sight of the thing made him look out of the corner of his eye at Lelouch.

The family tree hadn't been pulled out when Charles had died or when Odysseus had abdicated for Lelouch to take the throne. That it was out now put him on edge.

He reached out to rest a hand on Lelouch's shoulder, not liking the way his friend flinched.

To his knowledge there was nothing wrong with Lelouch, nothing more than the stress that came with ruling. Being Lelouch's knight, it made sense that he would get told about any changes to Lelouch's health, but there had been nothing.

"Lelouch-"

"Don't you start too." Suzaku turned around, hand automatically dropping to where his gun should have been.

C.C. didn't look amused. She held her hands up for a moment before letting them drop as she rolled her eyes. "Euphemia was in here earlier. We've already been through the list and I don't want to hear it again."

"Then leave."

"Why? I'm comfortable." She gave him a smirk before gesturing back at Lelouch. "Besides, his majesty wants me here. Says I could help."

"With what?"

"Succession." Lelouch finally spoke up, although he didn't look away from the family tree.

Suzaku leaned in close again, watching Lelouch's finger trace out some of the paths. His finger came back most often to his own, trailing down past his name before jerking back up to find another route. Suzaku swallowed, reaching out to pull a chair over. "Why?"

Lelouch didn't answer right away, Suzaku feeling the breath catch in his throat.

He had known Lelouch for eight years now, and he had missed the time when Lelouch had been sick for months. He had only heard about it when he had been briefed to be Lelouch's knight. There had been a whole day where he had practically memorized Lelouch's personal history. But the signs hadn't been there. Lelouch was going along like nothing was wrong.

Unless he planned to abdicate too.

Suzaku touched the back of Lelouch's hand, relieved when Lelouch turned his hand over to slot their fingers together.

Lelouch might not have been happy with becoming emperor in such a rush, but he didn't seem to hate the job. All of the plans that Suzaku had heard about where finally becoming real, Lelouch had to be happy with that. Suzaku was sure that Lelouch would have at least told him about any plans to abdicate.

He squeezed Lelouch's fingers, waiting for a reply. All he got was Lelouch continuing to go over what the family tree.

"My only choices are you, Euphemia or Nunnally."

"Count me out of it." C.C. flicked a bit of fluff off of the couch. "I'm not interested in that sort of thing."

"And Nunnally shouldn't, not with her being paralyzed. I won't force her unless she wants to." Lelouch sighed, drumming the fingers of his free hand against the table. "But she can follow. After that, it should pass to Euphemia and her heirs. That's the best I can offer."

"That won't make them happy."

"No. I can either please the Senate or please my siblings."

"I can guess which one you care about." C.C. flashed them both a smile.

Lelouch returned the smile, although it didn't quite look right.

Suzaku glanced between the two of them before standing up. He heard a loud thud as he chair rocked back and fell over, but he didn't care. Lelouch and C.C. were scheming and they were leaving him out of it. Usually he would let them do it, but they were carrying on like something would happen to Lelouch. He wouldn't be left out of this.

"Why are you working on this?"

"Why not?"

"Don't give me that, Lelouch." Suzaku leaned in close, glad that Lelouch didn't flinch. If he did that, then it was a good tell that we was lying. "Tell me what's going on."

Lelouch held his gaze for a moment more before sitting back. "The Senate has been pushing me figure out my line of succession."

"This soon?"

"Considering how long Father's heir lasted, they're probably worried. They haven't caught the one who killed father either." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "They're worried that they'll be without an emperor and another fight for the throne will happen. Britannia couldn't survive that."

Suzaku sighed, leaning against the table. He glanced at one of the stacks of paper, not surprised to see that it had a short biography of one of the eligible noblewomen in Britannia. He was sure that, if he dug through the rest of it, they would all be prospective brides for Lelouch.

If the Senate was worried, it made sense that they would push him to marry. The sooner there was an heir, the better.

He felt his hands shake, quickly balling them into fists to hide that from Lelouch. "You still have plenty of time."

"Not if I want to do things my way. I have to act quickly before I find myself married to -" Lelouch paused to pick out one of the papers from the stack "Lady Silvania. Or some other princess."

He threw the paper away, letting it flutter to the ground. "I don't intend to be bullied into a marriage for the sake of the Senate."

"I bet they wish that Odysseus was still emperor for that." C.C. chuckled from her couch, Suzaku pivoting to glare at her.

He was brought back by a touch on the back of his hand. Lelouch kept tapping for his attention until Suzaku turned around again. Lelouch leaned forward again, meeting Suzaku's gaze. "I don't plan on getting married to any of the women in this stack. If the Senate is happy, then I can do what I want. They can't argue that I'm messing up the line of succession if I already have it laid out. I was dragged into this position, so I should get to choose the person who has to go through this with me. Then only person I can tolerate for that long is you."

Suzaku stared at Lelouch for a moment before shaking his head. "You're asking me to marry you?"

Lelouch stared at him before leaning out to meet C.C.'s gaze. "Was I not clear?"

"Not at all. I think he was expecting you to get down on one knee. The fancy stuff."

Lelouch huffed and pointed to the door. "Get out."

"You'd better do the fancy stuff. I'm not dealing with him sulking again." C.C. walked past him, patting his arm as she passed. It was the closest she would get to a congratulations while Lelouch was in the room. She would probably find him later and give her version of congratulations.

Suzaku gave her a wave as she left, watching Lelouch gape at her. When he looked back at him, Lelouch laughed. "Fancy stuff?"

"Maybe in public, but I know what you mean." Suzaku turned to get the chair back, pulling it close to Lelouch. "So, tell me what your plans are."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [coldnobility](http://peppermilk.tumblr.com) requested: a Suzalulu Knight/Prince AU (part of the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au))

"Racist bastards the whole fucking lot of them!"

Suzaku was sure if Lelouch could have slammed the door, he would have. Instead, it just slid shut with an unsatisfying whoosh. Suzaku glanced at the door for a moment, feeling anger twist in his stomach before he pushed it away. He had been in Pendragon far too long to really let what anyone said get to him. It would sting, Suzaku was sure of that, but he couldn't lose his carefully held control. That would only make things worse.

Lelouch could do whatever he wanted, although he would have to deal with the media fallout if it was in public. Still, Lelouch knew better than to throw fits in public like Guinevere seemed to enjoy doing, or flaunt himself like Castor. If Lelouch was going to break down, then it would be in private, where no one could see.

Suzaku watched as Lelouch paced the main room of his suite, careful to stand by the door and out of the way. When Lelouch calmed down he would be ready to talk.

For a moment, he wished that C.C. was in Pendragon instead of on the East Coast. She would have known what to do to get Lelouch out of his tight spiral of rage, all Suzaku could do was watch.

He relaxed a fraction when the speed of Lelouch's pacing went down. The prince almost coming to a stop by the couch before turning to look at something that was sitting on the coffee table.

Suzaku got a glimpse of an official looking binder before it was flung to the other side of the room. He leaned back as it flew close to him, glancing back over at Lelouch.

His friend had finally slumped onto the couch, his head in his hands. If he had stopped, then it was safe enough to move.

Suzaku sighed and stepped away from the door. He knew he should go talk some sense into Lelouch before this new slight started to fester, but he couldn't help his curiosity.

The binder had been lying around Lelouch's rooms for the past few weeks, Suzaku had seen it when he slipped in and out of Lelouch's suite. He had never opened it because his focus had been on getting out and back to his rooms without anyone noticing. Of course, the servants noticed and gossiped, but Lelouch didn't seem to care. In fact, he didn't seem to care that most of the public knew that he and Suzaku were in a relationship. It was the politicians that Lelouch had always tried to avoid, probably because they wouldn't act if there was no proof.

Suzaku picked up the binder, letting it open to a random page. 

It was just a list of people and their military records. Suzaku shook his head, turning to the next page and reading through it. 

> **Roland Grenier**  
>  _Age:_ 25/ _Height:_ 188 cm/ _Weight:_ 86 kg  
>  _Rank:_ Lieutenant  
>  _Affiliation:_   Formerly Second Knightmare Squadron directly under Area 6 East Quarter Military District B, Command Center
> 
> **Baron Schutenkin Gordeingo the Third**  
>  _Age:_ 36/ _Height:_ 181 cm/ _Weight:_ 93 kg  
>  _Rank:_ Captain  
>  _Affiliation:_  Formerly Area 2 South Quarter Military Distract A, Eight Division Second Dragoon Squadron

"Put it down, Suzaku."

He looked up, not expecting Lelouch to sound so tired. Suzaku tucked the binder under his arm and made his way over to the couch.

Lelouch was slumped over, his head in his hands. It wasn't the typical pose of Lelouch planning, but Suzaku was sure that Lelouch wasn't going to accept defeat just yet. It was more of a tatical retreat, which worried him.

He slid the binder back on the coffee table, staring at the crest on the cover before shaking his head. "It's not worth fighting for."

That got Lelouch to sit up, all of the anger and tension back in a second.

He stared at Suzaku for a moment before huffing. "Of course it is. There haven't been Britannian ruled Areas since Clovis was born. The use of the Number system has been declared obsolete and the only thing that ties us to the old Areas are a series of mutually beneficial treaties. Britannia isn't an empire anymore, we just haven't gotten rid of the title because it sounds good."

"I understand."

"You don't, or you'd be angry about this too." Lelouch stood up, staring to pace again. "My father demands that I choose a knight, so I give him my choices. The Senate somehow gets a hold of something that is a  _royal_ _prerogative_ and tells me that I can't have my chosen knight."

"I get that, Lelouch."

His friend was far beyond hearing, Suzaku giving up and listening to Lelouch rant.

"Somehow, their say is all that matters, because Father didn't care until the Senate came back and said that my choice was not suitable. I've petitioned them on this subject for nearly a week, even though I don't have to, and the answer comes back the same." Lelouch's face contorted into something like a sneer. "'Warrant Officer Suzaku Kururugi is unsuitable for the duties of a Knight of Honor. If you referred to the prescribed list of people, you will find examples of what constitutes a fit knight there.'"

"They're right." That brought Lelouch to a stop. Suzaku raised his hands in surrender when Lelouch rounded on him. "There are people in here with more military experience than I have."

"More military- No." Lelouch reached for the binder, paging through until he found what he was searching for. "Charmelle Finlay is the same rank as you are. So what makes her better than you? She's currently part of the Electron Battalion, Division F if you need specifics. But it says here that she served in the Hokkaido Zone Military District when Japan was still in Area 11. The only reason she's in here is because she's Britannian!"

"Lelouch, I'm sure it's not like that."

"Of course it is!" Lelouch slammed the book back on the table, leaning forward to glare at Suzaku. "I'm going in there and repeating the same facts every day, like they're in the book. Suzaku Kururugi, age 15. Height 176 centimeters, weight 58 kilograms. Rank, Warrant Officer. Currently serving as part of Prince Schneizel el Britannia's Camelot division as a pilot of the seventh generation Knightmare frame Lancelot. Currently the  _only_ pilot to score a 94% on an experimental frame and field most of the weapons upgrades that are now being installed on current Knightmares and being made standard to the new ones.

"I'm screaming that at the top of my lungs and getting the same answer. You can't be a knight because, to them, you're an Eleven. Do you understand that, Suzaku?"

Suzaku nodded, more for Lelouch's benefit than his own.

Of course he understood it. That was the line he walked every day since accepting the offer to come work for Earl Asplund. The Areas might have been gone, but some people still hadn't seemed to realize that. To them, he was always the foreigner, someone who couldn't be trusted. That he was trained to operate a Knightmare and so proficient at it wasn't an accomplishment, it just meant that he was dangerous.

He wasn't stupid enough not to notice the stares or the way that the court whispered about it. Lelouch was the one who thought that if he pushed enough or ignored them completely, people would change their minds. Suzaku knew that it was better to be unobtrusive, because that was the safer route. He had friends and allies in Pendragon, but that wouldn't stop some people who still saw him as Number instead of a person.

He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to come up with something that would at least calm Lelouch down. The first thing that came to mind wouldn't help, but the words managed to trip out of his mouth anyway.

"You never asked me if I wanted this?"

Lelouch looked hurt for a moment before that too was pushed away behind his rage. It was clear that Lelouch had never thought that he would say no.

If Suzaku was perfectly honest with himself, he didn't want to. He was tired of all the sneaking around and the long series of identification checks that he had to go through just to get anywhere. By offering him the position of Knight of Honor, Lelouch was essentially confirming all the rumors about them that were going around Pendragon. It would also mean that Suzaku would be staying in the palace, close to Lelouch. Any identification checks would disappear, because he would have the rank to go where he wanted. He could even request the Lancelot as his personal Knightmare instead of getting stuck with his current Sutherland which leaked oil into the cockpit.

It was the perfect situation. Lelouch wouldn't have pushed it if he hadn't thought it through seriously. If there was someone out there better, then Suzaku was sure that Lelouch would have at least considered them for a moment. But he knew that his friend was far too stubborn to actually go for anyone but him.

He groaned and raked a hand through his hair. "I want to, Lelouch. I really do. But is it worth all this effort?"

"Of course it is. It'll show those damn Senators that they can't just push anyone from the former Areas around. They can't just push  _me_ around either." Lelouch softened a bit. "And I don't want one of those. I want someone who knows me, and no one knows me better than you."

"Except for C.C."

Lelouch shuddered. "I couldn't see that. Nothing would change."

"She'd be around all the time."

"How's that different?"

"Admit that you miss her because she's gone."

"Why admit something we both know is true?" Lelouch stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "Fine. I'll admit it if you admit that you want to be a knight."

Suzaku shrugged. "Why admit something we both know is true?"

His attempt to lighten the mood failed as Lelouch froze. The prince reached out, only to pull his arm back.

"So, I could just demand a date for the knighting ceremony, and you'd show up?"

"Yes."

"No complaints."

"I'm still going to tell you to calm down but," Suzaku sighed, "no complaints."

Lelouch sank down on the couch, close enough so that their legs were pressed up against each other. "I'll make sure that they can't take this away from you."

Suzaku knew Lelouch well enough to figure out what Lelouch left unspoken. He was making sure that Suzaku would never be taken away from  _him_.

He reached out to hold Lelouch's hand, carefully slotting their fingers together. He lifted Lelouch's hand, kissing the back of it. "My prince."

Lelouch gave him a fond smile, leaning over to kiss Suzaku properly. "My knight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All prospective knights are actually taken from [this screencap](http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20091113225135/codegeass/images/e/eb/Euphie_Knight_Choices.png) of the book that Euphemia is given to choose her knight.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [“Don’t fucking touch me”](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/92980284809/send-me-a-pairing-and-a-line-of-dialogue-and-ill-write)

The room was dark. C.C. had to feel along the wall to find her way into the room. She would have turned on the light, but her message was quick and then she wanted to walk away. She had her own matters to attend to, something that she didn't want Lelouch seeing.

"They're calling for you."

"Let them." His voice came from the bed, C.C. pivoting to face the bed. Now that her eyes had adjusted, she could see the pitiful lump that was the emperor. "I'm the emperor. I will come when I'm ready."

She sighed, tired of his drama. He had been like this since his victory over Schneizel. There were plans that had to go forward, a country to run and none of it was supposed to fall to her. She wasn't going to run the empire by herself, not when Lelouch had plans upon plans, something that she was not going to mess up. When Lelouch broke out of his funk, she didn't want to have his anger turned on her.

He had become unpredictable since his victory.

C.C. crossed her arms, staring at the bed. "Not for this. They're all waiting for you."

When he still didn't move, she crossed the room to him. C.C. reached out for his shoulder, intending to drag him from the bed. " _He's_ waiting for you and he doesn't deserve your-"

"Don't fucking touch me!"

C.C. stepped back at the venom in his voice. She had heard that once before, when he had found out about the death of Shirley's father. And that had been someone that he had no contact with. She had expected this to be worse, but not like this.

She was tired of it.

"Fine. Stay here. Let them just toss him into a pit."

"C.C..."

"What? That's what I see here. Your toy broke and you don't care."

"Of course I care. He was...It was Suzaku! He was supposed to help me end this. He was supposed to  _live_."

This outburst was better. It was all anger going out, which was what Lelouch needed. She should have prodded him into anger sooner, so he could have gotten it out before the funeral.

She reached out again, Lelouch allowing her to touch his arm. "He didn't. So go."

"Why?"

"Someone needs to remember him." C.C. was sure that no one else would. Lelouch's plan had done exactly what he wanted it to, the world hated him and Suzaku. There would be no tears shed for the Knight of Zero, but there needed to be.

Lelouch finally sat up, C.C. listening to him stumbling away from the bed. She stood up as well, ready to go watch the ceremony from the safety of her own room. She had already done her mourning, and now she needed to sort out her thoughts.

She heard Lelouch pause, turning to face where she thought that he would be.

It took him a while to speak, C.C. almost ready to leave the room by the time he sighed. "Will you be here when I return?"

"Where else would I go? I promised to be with you until the end." She bit her lip as she thought over her words, shaking her head. Suzaku had promised that too, but he had broken his promise. It hadn't been on purpose, but C.C. doubted that anyone could have blamed him for that. "I'll be here."

She thought she heard Lelouch mumble his thanks, but she didn't comment on it. She just sprawled backwards on the bed, closing her eyes and listen to Lelouch make his way through the room in the dark.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Schneizel/Kanon, "You don't have to stay."

Kanon had expected to find walking through the halls of the palace a strange thing, but it wasn't. Of course the palace had been rebuilt from the F.L.I.E.J.A. attack, so the layout was different. It was made for an empress who relied on a wheelchair to get around. All the guest rooms were on the second and third levels while all the business of the empire was conducted on the first level or in one of the various office buildings scattered around.

It should have felt completely different but instead it was familiar. Or maybe that was because Nunnally had given Schneizel free reign in designing the building that housed his offices. The only limitation she had given him was a budget, to which Schneizel had stuck to completely.

Kanon paused on his way from the palace, tucking the stack of papers more securely under his arm as he stared down the hill towards the city.

Pendragon was coming back to life. Most of it was still under construction, but parts of it were looking normal. The river had been rerouted to run through the city again, meaning that the water was crowded with boats carrying construction supplies to the waiting buildings. And, in the distance, was the crater of the original city. Nina and her team had already cleared it for radioactivity, but they were double checking the soil itself. There were times that Pendragon had suffered droughts and the crater would provide a wonderful natural reservoir.

He smiled to himself and started walking again. The world was at a sort of stalemate as the countries recovered from the disastrous reign of Emperor Lelouch, but Kanon doubted that they would break out into war. Nunnally was sure to catch wind of anything that looked dubious and stop it. The threat of Zero hanging over the heads of the other countries should have been enough.

Kanon frowned as he stared at the door of the building. It was the threat of Zero and Schneizel that would keep anything from happening. Zero only had to say the word and Schneizel would fall in line. That was the only thing that Kanon hated about the new world that was being built.

Threats had to be neutralized, he knew that, but he couldn't find it fair that Schneizel had been considered one of them. A man with no ambition couldn't have been that much of a problem. It was only because there had been a power vacuum that Schneizel had acted, and he had been right to do so. Emperor Lelouch had been insane.

He tugged open the door, not surprised to see no one at the front desk. The building had just been finished, so no one was expected in until tomorrow. Even then Kanon was sure that most of their time would be spent setting things up the way that it had once been. He was only there to drop off his work load for tomorrow so he would have one less thing to do.

Kanon made his way to the stairs, trudging up them to reach his office. Like the palace, the conference rooms were on the first floor so Nunnally could reach them. He had heard that there were plans to move them to the second floor, but Schneizel had moved the plans to install elevators back. The focus should be on the work in the city, they could all use the stairs until the rush of building was done.

There was a single light on when he reached the top of the stairs, Kanon shaking his head as he headed for the office. It didn't take much to figure out who would be in the building when the rest of it was dark.

Schneizel didn't look up when he entered the office, not seeming to notice that Kanon was there until he set the stack of papers on the free chair. Even then it took a moment for Schneizel to focus on him. Kanon wasn't sure if it was the effect of the geass or just the stress of the past two years finally kicking in.

"Kanon?"

"I came to drop some things by."

"I didn't know you were back." Schneizel frowned, probably thrown off by being so out of the loop. Once, a person couldn't have moved in Pendragon without Schneizel knowing. Now he had to start all over again.

"I got back sometime last night. I heard things were done and wanted to get an early start." He hefted the stack of papers again, glad to see that Schneizel was focusing again. "I'm not sure how many people will get in through all the construction traffic, but you might as well have one member of your staff here."

"Right. Of course. Your office is just next door." Kanon gave the prince an abbreviated bow, the motion made harder by the papers he was carrying.

He had made it halfway to the door when he heard Schneizel clear his throat.

Kanon turned on his heel, watching as the prince carefully didn't make eye contact with him. "To be honest, when you requested that you visit your family, I didn't expect you to... With everything that has happened..." Schneizel reached up to touch his eye before jerking his hand down with a sigh. "You don't have to stay."

Kanon shook his head, dropping the papers back on the chair. He circled around the desk, leaning his hip on it.

It took a while for Schneizel to look up again, Kanon reaching out to stroke his fingers over the prince's cheek when he did.

They hadn't spoken much since Damocles had fallen. The two of them had gotten separate cells and, for a month, Kanon was sure that he was going to die. Even in the parade, he had been bound to a separate set of stocks than Schneizel. In the aftermath, the prince had always been too busy or deliberately avoiding him. Kanon had often wondered if it was the shock or the geass that had kept Schneizel away.

Zero could get Schneizel to do anything, depending on who the person behind the mask was. All it would take was a stray comment and Schneizel could be killed, all with a few words. That possibility frightened Kanon, but it probably wasn't like the lack of freedom that Schneizel was contemplating.

Kanon smiled when Schneizel leaned to the caress. It had been too long since they had gotten a moment alone together, and it looked like it would be a while still before they fell back into their old patterns. Still, there was nothing wrong with Kanon sneaking in a few spare moments for him.

He leaned over to kiss Schneizel's forehead, not daring to move away when Schneizel reached a hand up to tangle his fingers in Kanon's hair. He sighed against the prince's skin, closing his eyes.

"Where else would I go?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [saillune](http://saillune.tumblr.com/) requested: your interpretation of Suzaku making the decision to join Zero after finding out it's Lelouch (or if Lelouch had in actually revealed it was him upon saving him in episode 4).

Suzaku kept himself from flinching as Zero ran a gloved finger over the burn that the collar had left on his neck. He heard the masked man tut in disgust before he took a step back. "They treated you rather roughly, didn't they? That setting was far too high."

Suzaku reached up a hand to press against the warm skin. It didn't help heal the burn, but it felt better since his fingers were cooler. Since he was free, he might have the time to get something to press against it. That would be his first request when he got back.

There was a loud clatter as Zero threw the collar away from him, Suzaku absently noting where it landed.

He dropped his hand from his neck, studying the masked man before taking a step back. "I should thank you for what you did-"

"Then join me."

The interruption had Suzaku blinking rapidly as his brain tried to catch up. Zero didn't seem to notice his hesitation. He just swept a hand out in the direction of the Administrative Building. "They're going to give you a sham of a trial, a rigged jury and an execution for something that you didn't do. With me you'll get none of that."

"What will I get?"

"The respect you deserve. You are innocent Suzaku Kururugi."

Suzaku shook his head, turning his back on the masked man. "There are rules and I have to follow them."

"But-"

"If I don't than I'm no better than the man who murdered Clovis."

"I did that."

"But you won't stand trial for it." Suzaku turned to look over his shoulder. "If you don't and I just run, then another person will suffer. It'll repeat itself unless someone stands up and takes the blame. Why shouldn't it be me?"

"Because it's not fair! You're innocent."

Suzaku laughed, trying not to think about the feeling of a knife in his hands and blood spilling over them. "I'm not"

"You'll die."

"I'm a soldier. I'm prepared for that."

"I'm not!"

The fear behind Zero's voice made him turn. Suzaku gasped as his left side bumped against a piece of rubble, making the stitches in his side throb. He bent over, clutching at his side as he waited for the pain to abate. It was only when he straightened up that he realized that Zero had moved to stand close to him.

The man's hand was outstretched, like he wanted to touch the spot. Suzaku took a step back, surprised when Zero didn't react. The mask was fixed on his side.

"They tried to before, when you wouldn't shoot me."

"What?"

"They don't care about your morals or your bravery, they just want to use you for results. A dangerous Eleven killed the prince. An unruly soldier wouldn't shoot one of his terrorist friends. They don't see you as being a person, you're a tool to them."

"How do you know that?"

"But you aren't. You're a valued combatant. Your moral compass will help the others as well. They'll know about your past and stick close to you because of your father. But once they know you they'll help you without a question. You can be an inspiration to-"

Suzaku stepped forward and grabbed Zero, hauling him closer. He expected the masked man to call for a guard, glad when he didn't. Suzaku could easily ignore the rest of Zero's rantings, his past wasn't that hard to figure out. But the things he was saying about what had happened in the subway tunnel couldn't be ignored. No one had been down there but his team, the girl and Lelouch.

He looked at the mask, reaching back with one hand to press against the back of it. His fingers found a catch, Suzaku pausing at the intake of breath, but Zero did nothing beyond that. Suzaku felt for the latch again, pushing the button in.

The mask slid off easily, the back folding in on itself. Zero caught it before it could fall to the ground, placing the mask on a piece of rubble beside them. When he turned back, it was Lelouch that stared back at him.

"I won't let them kill you."

"Lelouch..."

"They shot you once and I thought you had  _died_." Lelouch reached out to grab at him, Suzaku finding himself pulled forward a fraction. "I found you again and you died for your morals in a subway tunnel. How would I have explained that to Nunnally?"

"I didn't expect you to."

"She would have asked. She always asks about you." Lelouch shook his head. "I won't let you go back."

"I have to."

"You won't. I'll make all of them watch you so you don't slip away." He dropped his head onto Suzaku's shoulder. "I want to make this world right, and I need you by my side to do that."

"It won't work. Ends gained through contemptible means aren't-"

"That doesn't matter. There's nothing the two of us can't do if we're together." Lelouch looked up at him again, his hands smoothing the front of the uniform that Suzaku was wearing. "I need you there, Suzaku. I can't do this alone."

Suzaku wanted to point out that Lelouch had a room full of allies just behind the door to the theater, but he couldn't. Lelouch had slumped forward. He sighed, shaking his head. "Lelouch-"

"It's not worth it without you."

Suzaku almost missed the words. He stared at Lelouch, watching as his friend curled in on himself more. "Nunnally and you. None of it is worth it without the two of you there."

He watched Lelouch carefully before sighing. He couldn't walk away, not when Lelouch was like this. Not when some part of him was thrilled by the fact that he could escape death. He could be with Lelouch and Nunnally, which was all he had wanted since that summer had ended. Better yet, he could stop Lelouch from lashing out in anger at everyone in Area 11. There was a better way to win Japan back. Lelouch could come up with the battle strategies and Suzaku could help. They could save lives instead of destroying them.

Suzaku nodded, reaching out to grab Lelouch's shoulder. "What do you need me to do?"


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [dying-over-suzalulu-feels](http://dying-over-suzalulu-feels.tumblr.com/) requested Who Am I To Say by Hope with SuzaLulu. A follow up to [Reclaim Your Crown](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1193517/chapters/2435607).

_But who am I to say you love me_  
 _And who am I to say you need me_  
 _And who am I to say you love me  
-Who Am I To Say _by Hope

* * *

Lelouch stared into the darkness of his room, listening to the soft sound of Suzaku breathing beside him. It was a familiar sound, one that always seemed to lull him back to sleep, whether it had been during that brief summer or afterward, when they had shifted from friendship to whatever this was.

He would have said dating, except that implied some kind of public aspect, something that Suzaku wouldn't risk. The first thing Suzaku would say was that he was just an Eleven, but Lelouch knew what he really meant. They couldn't risk someone spotting Lelouch and recognizing him. Even worse to be recognized with an Eleven.

Enemies wasn't right either, because they didn't want each other dead. Lelouch knew for sure that they were on opposing sides, but they were working towards a similar goal. It would have made sense if Suzaku had known that Lelouch was Zero, but Lelouch was very careful to never let that slip. It could be the end of everything.

Instead they just had this, what happened in the clubhouse between classes and meeting on the battlefield. It was stupid to be so content with it, but Lelouch had been. Like that the two of them could pretend that they were just extending the summer that they had lost. Lelouch had just been biding his time and hoarding memories until Suzaku was taken away from him, like everything else had been.

He had just never expected Euphemia to be the one to do it.

Lelouch sat up, reaching back to rest a hand on Suzaku's shoulder as he stirred. The touch was enough to calm his friend, Lelouch hearing Suzaku murmur to himself as he slipped back to sleep. He smiled and patted Suzaku's hair.

There was some kind of victory in this. Euphemia had knighted Suzaku, but he had come back to Lelouch. That small victory paled when Lelouch considered the future. Suzaku would go back for his duties and try to continue on with Lelouch, but he knew his friend well. Eventually, Suzaku would make a choice about his divided loyalties, and he would chose Euphemia.

Lelouch looked at the pieces of the chessboard that he had scattered earlier when Suzaku had first come to the clubhouse, still in his pristine outfit from being knighted. They were all clustered around the table save for the white knight. That one he had thrown.

He stood up and crossed the room, picking up the chess piece. Lelouch carried it back to bed, sitting down and studying it.

There was some childish part of him that raged that it was unfair. Euphemia had gotten Suzaku after all of Lelouch's hard work. Suzaku has been  _his_ first and he was being stolen away from Britannia again. He closed his fingers around the chess piece, ready to throw it away when he stopped himself.

He had helped Suzaku get to his position after all. If the Black Knights hadn't started to fight against the tyranny of Britannia, Suzaku would have just been another Honorary Britannian soldier.

It wasn't much comfort, but it was enough to get Lelouch's mind back on track.

He set the knight down on the beside table. There was still a chance that he could pull Suzaku back on his side, although he would probably have to drag out secrets that he had learned. He didn't want to use the death of Suzaku's father against him, but he would if it would get Suzaku on his side.

Once he was there, he would be safe and, more importantly, he wouldn't drift away from him.

Suzaku rolled close to him as Lelouch slipped back underneath the covers. He smiled as Suzaku draped an arm over his waist, nuzzling into the back of Lelouch's neck.

Lelouch stroked his fingers over the back of Suzaku's hand, staring at the white knight.  


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coronation of Lelouch (from the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au))

Lelouch was running himself ragged, C.C. could see that much. She watched him stand over his desk, bent over the piles of paper until someone called him back over to go over the order of events. The coronation was happening in an hour and Lelouch looked like he was ready to fall apart. That wasn't like him.

C.C. frowned and pushed herself up onto her elbows, watching as Mary Cardemonde tried to coax Lelouch back to the task on hand. It was only after he had stumbled through another half remembered rendition of the oath that C.C. spoke up.

"Why don't you call it off?"

Both Mary and Lelouch shot her astonished glances. Even Suzaku perked up from the corner he had been banished to.

C.C. shrugged, keeping an eye on Lelouch as she continued to speak. "You're in no shape for it. You don't have to say much and you can barely get that out. Not only that, but your robe keeps falling apart and you don't seem to care." Lelouch tugged at the sash that had started to fall down his arm, looking a bit sheepish. C.C. sighed and stood up. "Call it off."

"I can't."

"You're going to be an embarrassment."

"I _can't_." C.C. stopped when she realized that Lelouch was shaking now. She glanced over at Suzaku, glad that he was the first to move.

She knew how to comfort Lelouch, but it wasn't what he needed right now. C.C. was the one to prod at Lelouch until he acknowledged what needed to be done. She was the one to poke at a fault until Lelouch started to avoid making that mistake. They worked well with each other, but this wasn't the time for what she could do.

She might be the one pushing him towards his ideas, but Suzaku was the one that he leaned on. It was how the three of them worked.

Lelouch didn't seem to notice that Suzaku had stepped up beside him, nor that the knight was putting his ceremonial robes back into a fit state. He was too busy staring at her and shaking.

"This can't be delayed any longer. It's been four months and there hasn't been anyone on the throne."

"You've been there."

"Not officially. Odysseus was the one in charge but he abdicated this morning. Guinevere is in disgrace, Schneizel just woke up a week ago, Clovis is dead from the attack and Cornelia has no interest in the throne. Castor and Pollux are still illegitimate, Euphemia is more than happy with her own duties, Maribelle is-"

"I get it." She held up her hand before he could run through the list of all of his siblings. C.C. studied him for a minute. "So you're the only one left?"

"Yes."

The fact that she hadn't known about it was disturbing. C.C. knew everything that was happening at court. Everyone knew that she was one of Lelouch's oldest acquaintances, save for Suzaku, so they all tried to ply her for information. Whatever she told them was never too dangerous, considering that Lelouch practically cleared everything she said, but what she got from them was more important.

And she hadn't known about Lelouch. She had walked into his rooms expecting to see him getting ready to watch his oldest brother's coronation only to find Lelouch being prepped for the ceremony.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't hear about Odyssues."

"The abdication wasn't official." Lelouch ran a hand through his hair. "He only told the staff maybe three hours ago, which was why it's been kept quiet."

"No time for the news to spread."

Lelouch shook his head. "He was going to do it during the ceremony because he didn't want to let anyone worry when we were mourning father. Somebody must have talked him down but the announcement goes out in half an hour and  _I_ go the cathedral half an hour after that. None of this was planned and none of this fits!"

He spread his arms, ruining what little Suzaku had managed to win back as the series of robes and sashes slid down again. C.C. saw Suzaku sigh before he coaxed Lelouch back into position, starting again. A quick look to the side showed that even Mary was ready to break.

If they had the time, she would have called Milly in to deal with the whole affair, especially considering that she had seen the girl rally and entire school in a matter of minutes. But there was no time for that either.

C.C. strode forward, grabbing onto Lelouch's shoulders and pulling him forward. He yelped but didn't resist, staring at her in shock.

As far as she was concerned there were two problems. The first was that the entire coronation was being rushed, so everyone was flustered. That left Lelouch without the comfort of a plan, which made him uneasy. The second was that it would be Lelouch's first public appearance since the assassination that had killed his father and Clovis, nearly killed Schneizel and had crippled his sister. There would be guards and Suzaku was sure not to leave his side, but Lelouch was probably terrified of the public's reaction. It would have been a little better if he had thought that the public was prepared for him to become emperor. But they were expecting Odysseus, and Lelouch was panicking because he had no idea how they would react.

All of that left her with a frantic staff and an unfocused prince. She had worked with worse.

"Suzaku, chair."

The knight obeyed quickly, dragging the chair from the desk over to them. C.C. pushed Lelouch into it. Then she stepped aside, motioning for Mary to take her place. Living with the royal court had done one thing for her, it had taught her how to be decisive.

"Lelouch, stay here until you know this ceremony backwards and forwards. You have an hour. Suzaku who do you trust in the Knights of the Round?"

He blinked but responded quickly, C.C. relieved about that. "Kallen, Gino, Anya, Nonette and Bismarck."

"Good. They'll ride in front of and behind the carriage. I know that's not traditional, but Lelouch will shake apart without it." She saw Mary making the changes on her tablet, smiling at the woman. At last two of them were keeping everything together. "You will stay in the carriage with him. I don't care what happens. Don't leave his side."

"I wasn't planning to."

"If you're making changes, then I have another suggestion." Mary spoke up, gesturing for C.C. to come over. "I'll make a call to some of his school friends. They'll all be at the cathedral anyway. We need people to help with his train going in, so that'll put you in the front row. There will be a radio made available to you, so watch him. Kallen can move up to take the train with the rest of you, meaning that there will be two guards on him at all times."

Lelouch was listening even as he muttered the oath and the response to himself, C.C. could see that in the way his shoulders relaxed a fraction. That was one problem taken care of.

C.C. sighed and slumped back into the chaise lounge. "You're such a pain, Lelouch."

The quirk of his lips into something almost like a smile was the only sign that he had heard her.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off the song _For Guinevere_ by Heather Dale

_We'll never be those wide-eyed kids who fell in love then_  
 _We'll never fit inside those narrow lines again_  
 _We could pretend, we could pretend_  
 _But that never suited us somehow  
_ - _For Guinevere_ , Heather Dale

Lelouch was uncharacteristically silent as he got out of bed. Usually, he would grumble and protest, all while Suzaku cheerfully laughed at him. That was their usual pattern, but it was broken now.

He was being a coward, curled up on his side of the bed and hiding under the covers. Like the blankets could stop what would be happening in a few hours. It wasn't the best plan, not even really a plan at all, but it's all he wanted to to.

Suzaku pushed his head under the pillow, curling up further on himself. It was the best armor he could come up with, especially with the Lancelot gone. The only armor left was the one that he didn't want to put on.

He could hear Lelouch moving around the room, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of his friend. Every sound meant that Lelouch was alive, and that was the important thing. Anything that meant that he was still alive was important.

And he was going to be the one that stopped that.

Suzaku flinched, sure that Lelouch caught the motion. He felt the side of the bed dip as his friend sat down.

"Suzaku?" He didn't answer, preferring to curl further into himself.

He expected Lelouch to shove the covers back and demand that he get moving. That's how it had been between them for the first few weeks, nothing but orders and insults shouted between the two of them. It would have been easier if it had still been like that. But that had fixed it, gotten back to something more like friendship.

It would have been easier to kill Lelouch if Suzaku could still easily replace him with Zero in his mind. But he couldn't anymore. He might not have understood Lelouch's plans completely, but he understood them better now.

"Suzaku." Lelouch pulled the covers back, Suzaku peeking out from under the pillow. He didn't expect the smile that he was given. For a moment, it looked like Lelouch was going to say something else, but he just shook his head. "It's time."

He shook his head, trying to shove the hand that Lelouch put on his shoulder. Lelouch just hung on. "No, Suzaku."

"Lelouch it's-" Too dangerous were the words that came to mind. There were a hundred things that could go wrong with what they were doing.

Someone could figure out who was behind the mask. There could be someone working against them in the palace, one of the prisoners could be ready with loosened bonds. There were resistance groups that were bound to be attracted to the showing, any of them could attack before he got his chance to make his move.

There were other outcomes, ones that he could barely begin to figure out. Lelouch had probably thought all of them through and made plans.

But there were other things they could do.

"Lelouch, does it have to be-"

"Fatal?" Lelouch pulled away from him. "Of course it does. I promised you that I'd wipe out the memory of what I made Euphy do. The world needs to change and we're changing it. I'm a killer Suzaku, you've accused me of that many times yourself. So what are you doing now?"

Suzaku closed his eyes, not protesting when Lelouch pulled him into a hug. "We've come too far to give up."

"You're right." He wasn't sure that Lelouch heard him considering that the words were muffled into his shoulder. What he was sure about was that Lelouch felt him slump.

It was him giving in, because there was no way around what would happen. Lelouch had planned it out too well, and there was still enough anger remaining in him to want this to happen. He wanted those promises of months ago to be kept, because Euphy didn't deserve to be remembered as a murder. Shirley didn't deserve her murder either, nor did any of the others who had died because of Lelouch.

They couldn't just expect to get away with all of this forever. They had to pay the price. Suzaku already had, but he didn't like the idea of having to be the one to dole out Lelouch's punishment.

He pushed away from Lelouch, looking up at him. Suzaku tried to come up with something to fill the silence, failing completely.

Lelouch seemed to understand, nodding and leaning forward to kiss Suzaku. It was nothing like the kisses from the night before, it was short and quick. And painful.

Suzaku swallowed, closing his eyes to savor the way Lelouch's fingers trailed over his cheeks. When he opened them, Lelouch was already moving away. He stepped through to the bathroom, shutting the door.

Suzaku waited until he was sure that Lelouch wouldn't come out again before slumping forward. He could feel his hands shaking, not that it mattered.

They would be steady when the time came.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [peppermilk](http://peppermilk.tumblr.com/) requested: prince!Lelouch and soldier!Suzaku meeting for the first time as teenagers.

They had told him that Area 11 had been in a bad state since Clovis had died, but that was an understatement.

Lelouch curled his lip in disgust as he looked over what the pure blood faction had done. It had only been a day and a half and they had made sloppy decisions, not that he would have thought otherwise. They were trying to cover up their slaughter in the Shinjuku Ghetto as well as find someone to pin the blame on for the death of Prince Clovis.

As far as Lelouch was concerned, the latter matter was straightforward. Clovis, in his serious lack of military skills, had ordered most of his guard forward to try and eliminate the Elevens. Most of his troops had been lured down to the unused subway tunnels, which the local resistance movement had blown up. If Clovis had been more careful, he wouldn't have set up his mobile base on the nexus of those tunnels, or maybe it had been dumb luck that had caused the thing to get caught in the explosion.

How didn't matter, it was what had happened. Clovis had been trapped under debris and bled out. The gunshot wound had been delivered post mortem. Lelouch had been to see his brother's body and even the coroner had said that the wound had to have come after Clovis' death. The man just hadn't had the guts to stand up to the rest of the pure bloods to tell them that. Which meant that there was an innocent man in his cells that he had to sort out.

For a moment, Lelouch was tempted to leave him there. The Britannians of Area 11 would want a scapegoat. For all his bumbling, Clovis had been beloved. He had known how to please people. It was a skill that Lelouch still didn't quite know how to do. He could motivate the masses, but not make them happy by his sheer presence. To have someone executed for the death of their former viceroy would calm the mourning crowd.

Then again, the man that they were holding was clearly innocent. Lelouch could only stomach so much corruption before he lashed out. Besides, he knew the pure bloods. The trial that they had set up was a complete sham, Lelouch had enough evidence on hand to prove that. If he let them get their way this one time, they would never stop pushing him and Lelouch did not intend to become their puppet.

He piled the papers together before sliding them into a drawer. He would have one of his aides write up a formal announcement in the morning to be relayed to Area 11. He may be a Britannian prince, but he was going to be fair even if it killed him.

He strode out of his office, ignoring the way that the guards snapped up into a salute. Lelouch didn't care if the men around him were lazy, he wanted to be sure that they were alert around Nunnally. His sister was asleep at the moment, exhausted from the hasty rush of packing and the flight over. Lelouch intended to let her recover on her own time, there was no need to rush. Attending Ashford Academy could wait for a few days, which might give him the time to convince her to take a knight.

The Elevens had their right to their rebellion, Lelouch could hardly blame them for that. Even so, he had a right to protect his sister. She wasn't going to be a part of this game, but the safest place was by his side.

Lelouch walked down towards the cells, glad that it was late at night. The rest of the pure bloods would be celebrating their victory, assured that the new viceroy was on their side. He smiled to himself as he descended into the lower levels of the administrative building. They would have a rude awakening when they figured out how wrong they were. The only reason he hadn't dug deeper was the fact that there was a man's life on the line. All of the other bits of corruption could wait while he saved a life.

The guard at the bottom of the stairs sputtered through his proper title, Lelouch waving him off quickly. If he wanted to be called by his full title, he would have stayed in Pendragon. "So me where he is?"

"Who?"

"The man who murdered Clovis."

"Oh. The Eleven." The guard pivoted on his heel and started walking down the corridor, obviously expecting Lelouch to follow.

Lelouch rolled his eyes. Of course it would be an Eleven. That was the easiest way to give the crowd what they wanted and eliminate a probable threat. Since that was the case, it was more important that Lelouch free the man.

The guard stopped in front of one of the cells, Lelouch peeking in before waving the man back.

It took him a moment to spot the accused man, sighing when he realized that the boy in the cell couldn't be older than he was. This was the one that they wanted to die for Clovis' bad planning?

Lelouch rested a hand on the glass. "Who are you?"

The boy looked up at him, his eyes going wide before he looked away again. Both Lelouch and the boy jumped when the guard banged on the glass.

"Your viceroy asked you a question."

"Kuru-" The boy stopped himself, shaking his head. "Suzaku Kururugi. Private and Honorary Britannian."

Lelouch had to keep himself from hissing at the title. Being an Honorary Britannian was little better than being a Number. The system was rigged from the start. Still, it was sometimes the only way out for them, even if he hated it. Maybe that was the point where he's start dismantling this whole system.

He cleared his throat. "Do you know why I'm here?"

"For the murder of Prince Clovis. But I didn't do it!"

"Quiet!" The guard thumped on the glass again. "The viceroy doesn't want to hear your lies."

"I don't want to hear you either." Lelouch rounded on the guard. "Go back to your post and let me talk."

The man looked surprised for a moment before he scuttled away. Lelouch was sure that the guard would be cursing him in a moment, but he didn't care. The man could always be replaced.

Lelouch claimed a stool that was nearby, pulling it closer to the plastic that made up the front of the cell. "Now, Kururugi Suzaku, tell me what happened."

Suzaku looked confused by the address, but he quickly shook it off. It was just what was expected of a soldier. Lelouch had a moment to marvel at it before he was getting the full report.

"I was assigned to try and stop the Elevens-" 

"Call them civilians."

There was a flash of relief on Suzaku's face. "The civilians from running into the tunnels. I should have but...I couldn't. They were just slaughtering them. None of them knew about the chemical weapon that the terrorists had stolen."

Lelouch tipped his head to the side, it was the first he had heard about a chemical weapon. Still, it was probably one of Clovis' secret projects, something that he would have to look into.

"So you were nowhere near Clovis when he was killed."

"No. I was..." Suzaku swallowed, one hand dropping to press against his side. "I refused to shoot anyone who escaped. So my captain shot me."

"He what?"

"I disobeyed his orders, your highness." Suzaku shrugged, Lelouch catching the slight wince. "I deserved it."

"So you were in a field hospital when Clovis was killed."

"I think I was still unconscious. I woke up a few hours after the attack ended. They came for me thirty minutes after that."

Lelouch cursed under his breath, giving the guard at the door a scathing glance. So that was the game that the pure bloods were playing. They were attempting to cover up Clovis' failures and save their own skin. Lelouch would find out who ordered the slaughter of the people living in the Shinjuku Ghetto as well as what experiments that Clovis was hiding. 

He stood up from his stool, walking over to the wall and typing in the code to open the glass.

"Your highness?"

"We can't hold you. You're free."

"But he's the last prime minister's son. He'll incite rebellion."

Lelouch rounded on the guard who came up beside him. "I don't care if he's my half brother. We cannot hold him on the evidence that we have. You're going to kill him for a show trial and I will not allow it. Since he's the only prisoner down here, you have a new job. Pull his captain in here and have him tried for killing Prince Clovis."

"But...he didn't shoot him."

Lelouch grabbed Suzaku's arm, pulling him out of the cell since Suzaku still looked too shocked to do anything. "No, but he shot a man. And that's what you wanted right? Or did you want an  _Eleven_ to die. If you can't do that, then have him court marshaled for shooting a soldier."

"But," the guard glanced at Suzaku, "it was his soldier, and he's an Eleven."

"No. He's  _mine_. I am the viceroy of Area 11 and prince of the Holy Britannian Empire before that. Everything here is mine. You remember that."

Lelouch turned and strode down the hall before the guard could protest, dragging Suzaku along behind him.

He only slowed when he reached the top of the stairs, realizing that Suzaku was having problems keeping up. Lelouch let go of him, watching as Suzaku immediately reached for his side.

There were things that had to be done, but Lelouch would have to take care of Suzaku first. He didn't want the man he had saved to die on him in the hallway. 

Lelouch took Suzaku's arm gently, steering him toward the upper levels. "I'll call for someone to see to that wound."

"It's fine. The stitches are just pulling."

"I don't doubt the field doctors, but I want to make sure." He glanced over his shoulder, now able to see the bruises and cuts that covered the boy's face in the better light of the hallway. Lelouch resisted the urge to cup Suzaku's cheek to check them over. That was something he would do for Nunnally, not some stranger. "They treated you rather roughly and I want to make up for it."

"It wasn't your fault."

"My people, my fault." He stared straight ahead to keep himself from looking back at the boy. "Until this mess is sorted out, you'll stay close to me. If anyone wants to protest, I'm keeping an eye on you. If you are Genbu Kururugi's son, then it's the best place for you. Prove yourself and I might put you on duty to guard the building. You might be an improvement from the others here."

"I don't want to cause trouble."

"No, but I do." Lelouch smirked to himself. "I intend to fix all of this and you will help me."

When he looked back at Suzaku, the boy looked speechless, which was just as well. Lelouch didn't need to be talked out of his plan, it was something that he had been working towards in the end.

If his father had been willing to let his mother die - one of the people he had held most dear according to everyone Lelouch had asked - he certainly wouldn't mind losing his precious empire as well.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: _Centuries_ by Fall Out Boy

_We’ll go down in history  
_ _Remember me for centuries_  
 _Centuries_ by Fall Out Boy

"Grandmother?"

Nunnally looked up at the sound of Richard's voice, smiling as her grandson rushed over to him. She waited until he had come up to the side of her wheelchair, then she pulled him up onto her lap.

Richard laughed, settling himself comfortably on her lap.He sobered quickly when he saw that she was staring at a plain headstone. She tugged on her sleeve and pointed at it. "Who is that?"

Nunnally smiled, patting his head. "Someone who was very close to me. Someone brave."

"Who?"

She bit her lip, looking back to where Zero stood behind her.

It wasn't Suzaku, she knew that much. He had disappeared as quickly as he had appeared in their lives again. All she had been left with was a note explaining what he and Lelouch had done and a replacement. Nunnally had gotten a name out of her, but that was it. And that was what Lelouch would have wanted.

She patted Richard's head again. He wriggled, pushing off her hand to hop down and stare at the grave.

He was careful not to stand on it, reaching down to trace the name and dates on the tombstone.

"Julius Kingsley. December 1999 - September 2018." Richard sat back on the grass, looking up at her. "Who was he?"

"Someone who was very helpful in the end, back when I became empress."

"With the demon emperor!" If Richard hadn't been sitting, he would have been bouncing in place. Her grandson adored stories about the demon emperor and the days of the Knightmares. He especially seemed to enjoy stories about Zero, something that the new Zero was always willing to tell him.

Nunnally nodded, leaning forward so she could almost speak eye to eye with him. "Yes. He had a great plan to help fix the world, and he did it. It's because of him that we've had peace for so long."

"So what happened?"

"He died for that dream." Nunnally looked back at the headstone. "Like a lot of people did."

Richard stared at her for a moment before nodding. He stood up, brushing off his pants and looking at Zero. "Dad sent me out here to find you. He said that some of the ambassadors wanted to speak with you."

Nunnally waved Zero away before she could ask a question. "Go. I'll be safe here. If the ambassadors need me, I'll be back in soon. I just need another moment."

Zero nodded at her before taking the hand that Richard offered her. Nunnally watched the two of them walk off, waiting until they were long gone. Then she leaned forward until she could touch the stone with the tips of her fingers. 

"Thank you Lelouch."

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Suzalulu "Didn't you see what I did?"

He should have just shot him. It would have been easier than carting the traitor all the way back to Pendragon. It would have been easier than having to stare at the man's face all the way back to the homeland. Suzaku wasn't even sure that he would be given what he wanted.

From what Lelouch had told him the emperor practically encouraged his children to kill each other off. It was part of Britannia's weird line of succession. Suzaku wasn't sure that being a traitor to his empire would be enough to get him the punishment he deserved.

For all he knew, the emperor would reward Lelouch for rebellion against the empire. It would prove that he was worthy to take the throne or something.

He gritted his teeth, going over the displays again. With the number of times that he had read them, he was sure that he had memorized everything. The only thing that was changing was the reading of the energy filler, and that wasn't going down enough to really distract him. The intense concentration on  _anything_ just made him more aware of the sound of the other person's breathing.

"Suzaku." He flinched at the sound of his name, wanting to just shout at the person. He didn't want to hear anything. The flight from Area 11 the nearest Britannian base was a good few hours. Then he could trade the Lancelot for another aircraft. Or maybe that would be a bad idea. There would be other people on that craft and Suzaku couldn't guarantee that no one else would get in the way of his geass. He didn't want Lelouch trying to escape, not after everything that he had lost. It would be best to just take the Lancelot, even if he would just have to stop to change the energy filler.

"I know you can hear me. You couldn't have gone deaf in the short time we were in here. Knightmares aren't that loud, especially not the special ones." There was a pause, Suzaku almost ready to relax when Lelouch spoke up again. "Euphemia would have made sure that you were comfortable."

Suzaku just stopped himself from slamming his fist onto the button that controlled the Lancelot's flight. It might have been better if they were both tumbled into the ocean. Lelouch wouldn't get the chance to kill anyone else and he would go too. He was better off dead.

There was a red flash in front of his eyes, Suzaku shaking his head and focusing on the empty ocean.

"Suzaku."

"Shut up!"

"Oh so you can speak." Suzaku could just imagine Lelouch leaning forward, along with the exact smile he had give Suzaku in that cave.

Suzaku shook his head, trying to get the image out of his mind. He didn't want to remember that, because that would remind himself that Lelouch had once been his friend. A friend wouldn't have done that to him. 

He curled his fingers over the joysticks, a much safer place for them to be. "I can speak. I don't want you to."

"You don't want to listen, why?"

"Because you'll lie and I'm  _sick_ of it." Suzaku took a deep breath, giving up all pretenses of calm as he turned to stare at the prisoner that was tucked up against the furthest part of the cockpit. "I'm sick of it, Lelouch. You've been lying to me from the start. Because of that I lost her!"

That didn't even seem to make Lelouch flinch. His friend just stared back at him, no hint of remorse on his face. Instead there was that dumb smile, the one that Suzaku wanted to punch off his face.

Lelouch just shrugged. "I was preventing a mistake from happening."

"You stopped something that could have worked."

"Didn’t you see what I did?!" The outburst made Suzaku jump. For a moment, it looked like Lelouch had lost his calm, but he quickly recovered. Lelouch rocked back until he was leaning against the wall. "I saved Japan from a horrible mistake. I thought you would understand."

"I don't. I'll never understand why you have to kill people."

"And you never will, because you're naive." Lelouch snorted and closed his eyes. 

Suzaku turned around, to stare at the ocean again. He wouldn't give Lelouch the pleasure of seeing any more emotional outbursts. He wanted the prince to just sit in his corner of his cockpit until they reached Pendragon, and then he'd just throw Lelouch at his father. He didn't care anymore, just as long as he could get something out of it.

He was well aware of how naive he could be. He had thought that he and Euphemia could have done anything, that nothing had touched them when things had been reconciled. He thought that Zero would actually help with the SAZ. He had thought the SAZ would allow him and Lelouch to continue with their clandestine meetings in the clubhouse.

Worst of all, he had been naive enough to talk himself out of the obvious. If he had just believed that Lelouch had been Zero instead of talking himself out of it, so many people would still be alive.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Suzalulu: "Don't trust me." (Part of the [AU where Lelouch convinces Suzaku to join him.](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/98394281029/saillune-requested-your-interpretation-of-suzaku))

Lelouch always ended up sprawled out during the night, especially after sex. Suzaku shook his head, pressing his lips together to try not to laugh. Lelouch could get in a few more hours of sleep, he was the one who had to go to school after all. Although, knowing Lelouch, he would just sleep through his classes.

Suzaku would have to stay awake to get on with his duties in the engineering corp, especially if Lelouch really did want the Lancelot for his side. Suzaku didn't know why, but it was probably one of Lelouch's whims. He would have been just as happy piloting whatever was given to him.

But Lelouch wanted Britannia's White Knight and Suzaku didn't think there was enough logic to deny him that. Lelouch would just point out that no one was using it. They had incapacitated the last pilot, the only victory they could claim from Saitama Ghetto.

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to pat his bedhead down. He was already running late as it was, so he would just grab a shower when he got back. Lelouch would probably be busy with his group, a mission that he wouldn't need Suzaku for. Suzaku would be out for the time being, working on his covert operation.

Suzaku froze as he heard a mutter from the bed. He sighed, retracing his steps to the side of the bed before he leaned down to kiss Lelouch's cheek. 

That seemed to be enough to settle his friend, Suzaku watching as Lelouch nuzzled the pillow, muttering something that might have been his name. Suzaku carded his hand through Lelouch's hair. "Sleep well."

There was no answer, not that Suzaku expected one.

He made his way through the clubhouse as quietly as he could. Nunnally liked to rise early and get a few hours of reading in. She would call him over and they could talk for hours and he had a place to be. Earl Asplund and Cecile would be waiting for him.

Suzaku felt his stomach twist in guilt at the thought. Lloyd and Cecile were good people, and only part of the conflict because the military was where the money for developments was. They deserved something better than to be used. Suzaku would try his best to keep the two of them safe, they deserved that much after being so kind to him. 

For a moment, he was tempted to warn the two of them that they were a target, that Zero would come in and steal the Lancelot as soon as it was repaired. And that he was going to be the one to help with it.

But that would mean revealing too much, like the fact that he knew who Zero was. The fact that Lelouch was a Britannian prince might save him, but Suzaku wasn't willing to risk that. Nor was he willing to risk Lelouch going on with his rebellion, not with the way that Lelouch tended to send out his people like they were expendable. His silence was the only way to guarantee the safety of everyone.

He kicked at a loose piece of gravel, watching it clatter out through the gate. It had all seemed like a good idea when he had started, but that was when he was nothing, just another soldier. Now he was trusted and that was the problem. Lelouch trusted him, and he cherished that. It was his best friend alive and well, something that Suzaku wanted to keep for as long as he could. But Cecile and Lloyd also trusted him, and he enjoyed that trust. The lab felt like home the same way that Lelouch and Nunnally's house felt like home.

He couldn't choose which one that he wanted, because both of them felt right.

Suzaku stepped outside of Ashford Academy, staring at the college just across the street. He felt a moment of terror, like he wanted to turn around and run back to Lelouch. All of this deception wasn't worth one Knightmare. There were more important things to focus on.

He also wanted to run across the street and tell them everything. To tell them, "Don’t trust me." That might be enough to save them.

He didn't get the chance to make the choice, Cecile rushing out onto the sidewalk opposite. She waved frantically to him from across the street. Suzaku hesitated long enough to make sure no cars were coming before darting across the street.

Cecile didn't wait long enough for him to cross, already beginning to back towards the space they had rented as a lab. He bit his lip and hurried after her, only catching up when Cecile had gotten to the door of the lab.

"What's gong on?"

"We have an important visitor, someone interested in the Lancelot."

He frowned, about to ask who it was when Cecile ushered him through the door.

The lab was as open as it always was, but Suzaku felt like the walls and ceiling was closing in on him as he stared at the woman that was standing by the bank of computers.

The woman smiled as they walked in, striding over without waiting for them to approach. She stuck out her hand, smiling at Suzaku. "You must be Suzaku Kururugi. I've heard so much about you."

"Y-you have?" Suzaku shook her hand automatically.

"Yes. Earl Asplund has told me a lot about you. But where are my manners? I'm Princess Euphemia li Britannia, sub-viceroy for Area 11. I've come to talk to you about using you and the Knightmare to help keep the peace here. What do you have to say?"

There was nothing that he could think to say, not without bringing everyone's plans crashing down. The only thing left was the running mantra in his head.

Don’t trust me. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust me.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Suzalulu"Please come get me." (Part of the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au))

The only consolation Lelouch had with the whole affair was that he now knew who had been behind the assassination attempt that had killed his father and paralyzed his sister.

He glanced around the room he was in, resisting the urge to pick at the manacle around his ankle. That would just irritate the skin again, and Lelouch wanted to be able to run when the royal guard came for him. As it was, he was surprised that two days had passed since he had been kidnapped. Then again, it just hinted at how deep the conspiracy ran.

Whoever these people were, they were able to kidnap the Emperor of Britannia and hold him for two days. They were working against the might of the empire, Schneizel's intelligence network and Suzaku's stubbornness. If they had kept him so far, it meant that there had to be traitors within his administration, it was the only thing that made sense.

He gritted his teeth, letting his breath hiss out between them. Of course, he could only search for the traitors once he got out and he could only take down the perpetrators if he saw them. So far, he couldn't do either. He was stuck in the rooms he had been given until someone was able to get to him.

They were rich enough, probably to keep him from raging. Lelouch wanted to laugh. As long as he had a bed and a steady source of food and water, he would be fine. Those things would allow him to think, which was all he needed to do.

Lelouch picked his way over to the bed, staring at the wall. Thus far his captors had made sure that he didn't see their faces. Every time they came into the room, they demanded that he turn around and wait for them to get blindfolded. The one time he had protested, the had used the shock collar around his neck. The damn thing was turned up far too high in the first place and it wasn't worth the injury that would come from talking. The only thing he could do was try to figure out what was going on himself.

He wanted to believe that they wanted him alive, but this was the group that had killed the previous emperor, they had told him that much. Lelouch was sure that he would end up dead, it was just a matter of time. His father had died in a spectacular fashion, so it made sense that the group would want to top that. He was going to be a message to the world, he just had to figure out what that was.

But he was working in a vacuum. There were only the four walls of his room and his bed.

Lelouch bit back a curse, standing up abruptly. He knew that he had to have patience, but he was running out of it. He was being held against his will and would probably be publicly executed He had no idea what everyone back in the palace was thinking, especially Nunnally. She had been there when their father had been killed, there was no telling how she was dealing with this. Lelouch hated not knowing, but he was just relieved that C.C. hadn't gone with him to the opera that he had been taken from. At least she would be there to keep everyone calm.

There was a sharp knock on the door, Lelouch waiting for the familiar command. Instead, the door just opened, Lelouch staring at the five masked men that walked into the room.

He took an involuntary step back, staring at the blindfold that one of the men held.

It was a break in routine, which couldn't be good. He had thought he had more time, at least another day. They had waited for two days already, he should have been safe for at least a few more hours. He had thought that Suzaku would have found him by now.

"Step forward, your highness. It's time to go."

Lelouch shook his head, feeling the solid safety of he wall against his back. He pressed his fingers against the wall, trying to sink into it as one of the men stepped forward.

"It would be easier if you didn't resist. Easier for you."

He shook his head again, not sure if it would even matter. There were five of them and he didn't have a weapon. Lelouch was sure that they would trigger the collar before he could try to throw something at him. It would be easier to just step forward, but he wanted to stall for time. Someone would be coming to get them, he was sure of that down to the marrow of his bones.

But they weren't here yet, and he needed them here  _now_.

Lelouch swallowed, finally stepping forward. One of the men was playing with the remote for the collar already, which meant that he was out of time.

He closed his eyes as the men closed around him, trying not to shake too badly as the blindfold was tied around his head.

There was a click from around his ankle as the manacle fell away, Lelouch not bothering to open his eyes behind the blindfold. There was no point. He probably wouldn't be allowed to see anything until they arrived at the spot they had chosen. That still wasn't enough time.

He flinched as he shoved forward, following the pushes to figure out where he needed to go. It was the only thing he could do. The rest of his attention was focused on whispering under his breath, just low enough that the collar wouldn't catch it.

"Please come get me." 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: Suzalulu "Where are you?!" [Suzaku --> Lelouch] (part of the [masquerade ball AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97225493079/anonymous-requested-suzalulu-masquerade-ball-au))

"Lelouch?" Suzaku ran through the hallways of the townhouse. He kept his gun up, wary for any attack. But there was nothing, which just made him more nervous.

If someone had kidnapped the emperor, they should have been watching. The group that had come to rescue Lelouch hadn't really been quiet. The police and military captains had been shouting orders as soon as they had entered the house and Suzaku hadn't been too quiet himself. It had been two days since Lelouch had disappeared and he hadn't been able to relax since then.

Someone had managed to capture the emperor and his own personal knight had failed to bring him back. Beyond that, Lelouch was his  _husband_. The empty space of their suite was too much.

There was just empty space and the reminder that he should have done better.

Suzaku whipped around a corner, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the empty room. He cursed and kept moving. The other soldiers would be working through the house just as frantically as he was. The emperor had been missing for two days and there hadn't been a ransom note. According to Schneizel, that meant that they would just kill Lelouch. Suzaku had never listened after that, sure that Schneizel would go on about what they would have to do if that happened. Suzaku preferred to ignore that fact.

He just wanted to get Lelouch back home.

"Lelouch, where are you?"

There was a clatter from his right, Suzaku pivoting to head through the doorway. The noise didn't repeat itself, but he was too busy running in the direction that he had heard the noise. His gut instinct said that he had to move, and fast.

He instinct didn't serve him wrong, Suzaku moving into a larger rear room in time to see a group of men pushing Lelouch out of the back door.

Suzaku steadied his grip on his gun, feeling calm settle over him as some of the men turned to look at him. "Put your hands up and step away from the emperor."

One of the men pulled out a gun, Suzaku shifting slightly to aim better. The first man fell to a wound to his shoulder, Suzaku already moving forward. There were four men between him and the emperor, and they all needed to go down.

He ducked his shoulder to slam into the second man, sending him into the third man. The forth one he hit with the butt of his gun. The fifth was a problem, because he was holding onto Lelouch. Suzaku saw the man move for something on his waist, and reacted before he could really think about what he was doing. He kicked the man in the stomach, not bothering to watch him fall.

They were down, which was all that mattered.

Suzaku stepped forward to grab onto Lelouch's arm. He felt Lelouch flinch, wanting to just rip the blindfold off. But he had to make sure that the men were taken into custody. They were down, but wouldn't stay that way.

He reached up to turn the comm unit on, backing Lelouch away from the five men. "This is Sir Kururugi. The emperor is secure. I repeat, the emperor is secure. Five men are down and ready for you guys to take away."

Suzaku barely heard the confirmation, too busy reaching up to rip the blindfold from Lelouch's face.

He smiled as soon as Lelouch looked at him, running his fingers over Lelouch's cheek. "Hey there. I...I'm sorry I-"

Suzaku didn't get the chance to finish, Lelouch just pulling him into a tight hug. Suzaku tensed at the press of the collar against his skin, but Lelouch didn't seem to mind. He was too busy digging his fingers into Suzaku's back.

"I've got you. You're safe." He smoothed a hand down Lelouch's back, trying to curl protectively over him as he waited for reinforcements to arrive.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: A happy ending to [this requested fic](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/98474028525/this-isnt-a-code-geass-blog-requested-who-am-i-to).

Lelouch groaned and cracked open an eye, looking around the room.

The quick scan of the room was part of his usual waking up routine. He was never sure about where he would wake up. Part of the time, he expected to wake up in his room at Ashford or the rooms he had occupied as emperor. Sometimes he expected not to wake up at all.

He had woken up in the apartment room consistently for a month now, which did nothing to assuage his nervousness. One day he just wouldn't wake up, and everything would have gone according to plan.

Lelouch wasn't sure if he was alright with that anymore. He had been prepared to die for his plan, it was only right. Everything had been set up for that end. Instead, he was still alive and breathing, albeit tucked away in a far corner of the palace. Lelouch still wasn't sure if he was a prisoner or allowed to come and go within the wing of the palace. There were still days he had trouble getting out of bed.

Today didn't seem like one of those days, which meant that he should get up. But there were two warm bodies beside him, encouraging him to go back to sleep.

Someone hummed beside him, Lelouch shifting so C.C. could throw her arm over him. He winced as her arm rested on his scar, glad that it didn't hurt too much. A few weeks earlier and he would have had to move her arm. Now, he was content to act as a replacement for Cheese-kun. The stuffed toy was probably kicked to the floor.

He dragged his fingers over C.C's arm, turning his head to look at the other person in the bed.

Lelouch frowned, having to wiggle a bit out of C.C's hold to flick his fingers against Suzaku's side. "You should be up."

Suzaku just muttered something and shifted away. It wasn't quite far enough, Lelouch was still able to reach him easily. He didn't bother to flick him again, just finding Suzaku's hand and holding it.

It was a good morning, one that Lelouch didn't want to spoil it. For once, he wasn't in horrible pain. Nor was he angry at Suzaku for missing his thrust or with the well meaning doctor for trying to make sure that the emperor survived. He was warm and comfortable, something he hadn't been for a while. Complex thoughts could wait until Nunnally called for Suzaku.

Until then, there was nothing better for three presumed dead people to do than to enjoy each other's company.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous reqeusted: Instant Crush by Daft Punk with suzalulu

_I didn't want to be the one to forget  
I thought of everything I'd never regret  
_- _Instant Crush,_ Daft Punk

Lelouch wanted to scream, to rage at the world until it was forced to pay attention to him. And  _he_ wanted to do it.

Zero couldn't. Zero was calm and collected, the perfect strategist. Zero also couldn't care about the struggles of one student, he was after the big picture.

Zero was also technically stuck in the Chinese Consulate until Lelouch figured out what to do. There were too many eyes watching him to just sneak out and take up the mantle again, at least not while he wasn't sure who was on his side.

The lack of knowledge just made it all worse.

He couldn't demand to see Nunnally because she didn't exist to him. He had Rolo, a substitute brother who had just appeared in his life. He couldn't even reach for C.C. and her nearly unending well of calm. She had to be kept away as well. The OSI officers had been after her for some reason. Until he knew that reason, Lelouch would have to keep her away from the school. Eventually he would get the two of them back, but the time that yawned between those two moments was driving him mad.

Lelouch couldn't even lash out if he wanted to. The Lelouch Lamperouge that the emperor of Britannia had created rarely got mad, rarely got involved in anything. That Lelouch was content with his repetitious life and his doting brother.

At least that was better than Julius Kingsley, the false noble with the eye patch. Lelouch almost wished that C.C. had kept those memories locked away, but there hadn't been time for subtlety. Now he was stuck with a third life's worth of memories of some estate in Roanoke with a promising career in the Britannian army. Julius had thought of nothing else but the glory of the empire. It was enough to make Lelouch want to slam his head into the wall until he could forget that man. Forget all about his perfect life and the lover that had been fabricated into it.

There had been no stolen kisses in the kitchens of the Kingsley estate. There had been no walks into the countryside which turned into long idles by some unnamed stream. There had been no sneaking away from the countess' many parties to fuck in one of the open rooms.

All of those events had been patterned over his own experiences, of stolen kisses on the roof of Ashford, of sneaking off during classes to the woods that surrounded the school, of dodging one of Milly's parties to return to Lelouch's rooms in the clubhouse. And they were all with Suzaku, not some Britannian noble half the world away.

The worst part was that he  _missed_ him. Missed the false friend who had dragged him in front of the emperor. Missed the traitor who had stood by and watching him act as Julius Kingsley. Missed him from wealth of memories, half of which didn't exist.

Charles had taken  _everything_ from him and twisted it beyond recognition, to the point where Lelouch woke up and sometimes expected to be somewhere else.

Lelouch didn't know where home was anymore, because half of the time he was confused about why he was at a school in Area 11. He didn't know who was on his side, because he had left the Black Knights for a year and there was a network of spies all around him. He didn't have Nunnally, C.C. or Suzaku, because Charles had stolen them all away from him.

He was completely alone.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous requested: a sequel to the [normal teenagers AU](http://eachainn.tumblr.com/post/97390344276/lolipop22222-requested-a-normal-teenagers-au-for)

It always came back to the field behind Suzaku’s house. Lelouch was sure that they would be old men and they would make their way back to that damn field, even if it meant walking for miles. In that case, Lelouch was sure that Suzaku would be the one to make it.

Or he might not.

That thought wouldn’t leave him alone, it was the thought that drove him out to the field, still in his graduation robe and finery. All of it was probably grass and mud stained, all of it except for his cap. Lelouch had thrown that in his room before he had ditched the party. His mother was sure to ground him for missing his party and for ruining his clothes, but Lelouch didn’t care.

Or maybe he should have, because he only had three months before Suzaku was went off to join the army. Maybe he could beg his mother for forgiveness, Marianne was sure to understand.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, staring at the fireflies as they started to rise. Usually Suzaku would be out here by now, but he was probably still at the party back at his house. Genbu would be sending his son off in style. Suzaku wouldn’t be out for a long while. That left him with far too much time to think.

Lelouch had never expected Suzaku to go to college, his friend was far too energetic to just sit around for four more years. He had always known that, but he had thought that Suzaku would just get a job in the area. He thought that he would always have Suzaku close by.

While he was in training it would be easy to visit him, but it was when he was deployed that Lelouch would lose him forever. He dreaded the day when he heard that Genbu Kururugi had gotten a letter that Suzaku had been killed in action.

That couldn’t happen because Suzaku was his… He and Suzaku were…

Lelouch groaned and pressed his forehead against his knees. He had three months at most until everything went crashing down. Lelouch shook his head, trying to stop his shaking.

He didn’t have enough  _time_.

Lelouch didn’t know how long he sat out in the field, just that it was long enough for the seat of the pants to get wet from sitting in the mud. The fireflies had long since settled, leaving Lelouch with nothing but the faint lights from both of their houses.

He considered getting up and heading back to his house, it was better to get his apologies started before Marianne got really mad. He stopped halfway to his feet when he heard someone else approaching.

"Lelouch?"

He turned toward the sound of Suzaku’s voice. It took him a moment to see Suzaku in the dim light of the field. Lelouch sat back down. “Hey.”

"Don’t you have a party to stay at."

"I didn’t feel like it." Lelouch pulled his knees to his chest. "They were all asking stupid questions anyway."

"Did they want to know what you planned to do?"

Suzaku may have laughed, but he didn’t know how true the statement was. Lelouch still had no idea what he wanted to do, but he was sure that all of his father’s friends wouldn’t take the answer that he wanted to save his best friend.

Suzaku’s shoulder brushed against his as he sat down, Lelouch leaning heavily against him. That made Suzaku laugh again. “Come on, Lelouch. We still have one more summer.”

Lelouch didn’t know what made him react, because Suzaku didn’t say last. He wouldn’t have been able to stand it if Suzaku had said last. But the simple statement was enough for him to move.

He grabbed onto the front of Suzaku’s shirt, pulling him close. He had no idea what he was going to do. Maybe he wanted to shout at him, or maybe he would give him a playful shove.

Instead he kissed him.

It was nothing like kissing Shirley back in freshman year, or C.C. the numerous times she had planted a kiss on his lips. For one, Lelouch didn’t freeze up. Suzaku was the one who froze.

Lelouch grimaced and pulled back, going back to staring at the empty field. He didn’t want to look at Suzaku, not while he was still trying to figure out why he had done that.

He hunched his shoulder as he heard Suzaku suck in a quick breath, ready for some condemnation or rejection.

"Well…I don’t think that they ever considered that as your answer. The people at your party, I mean."

Lelouch sighed, glad that Suzaku had decided to brush over it. “No. I don’t think I expected it at all.”

He closed his eyes, about to say his goodbyes, but then he felt Suzaku’s hand rest over his own. Lelouch didn’t dare open his eyes, not when he was almost sure that he would wake up and it would all be a dream. That didn’t stop him from turning over his hand, smiling when Suzaku threaded their fingers together.


End file.
